Before we go any farther, let me explain what your “Known Zone” is.
Your “Known Zone” is that part of you where all of your beliefs are stored.
From the age of birth to about 8 years of age, someone (usually our parents or caregivers) teach us what we need to know and this knowledge is stored in our “Known Zone” and then buried in our subconscious mind.
As an example, let’s take the brand of toothpaste you used growing up. Every time you brushed your teeth, you reach for the toothpaste and you never even question WHY you are using this brand of toothpaste – you just know that you’re supposed to brush your teeth and this is what you reach for when you do it. Your brand of toothpaste becomes as much a habit as brushing your teeth.
Then you grow up, move out of the house and you run out of toothpaste. You go to the store and “based on habit from your “Known Zone” – you purchase the toothpaste you’ve always used. You probably don’t even give it a second thought as you throw it in your cart.
If someone were to ask you WHY you use that brand of toothpaste, you probably couldn’t come up with much of an answer other than, “I don’t know, it’s what I’ve always used!” Somewhere between the ages of birth and 8 years of age, you created a belief around this brand of toothpaste.
But if someone were to really pressure you about WHY you use this brand of toothpaste, you might get irritated and feel the need to defend your choice. You have your belief; the other person has their belief and it causes you to doubt yourself.
When we doubt ourselves, we can get angry, frustrated, depressed and have feelings of low self-worth, causing us to struggle.
Now, this might not sound like such a big deal when we’re talking about toothpaste, but what about the other beliefs lurking in our “Known Zone”
Go to church on Sunday
Life is hard
Right / Wrong
Kids should be seen and not heard
Don’t talk back
Don’t talk to strangers
The boogeyman is real
If you do that, you’ll go blind
Sex is private, we don’t talk about it
Don’t tell anyone what goes on in our house
If you want to be healthy, you have to eat plenty of meat
This is Good / That’s Bad
You’re not wanted
Candy is good
Hold out for Prince Charming
Get a college education
Ok, you get the picture – RIGHT? You’re now beginning to understand your “Known Zone. When we take this information to the next level, it’s easy to see that every choice we make is based on beliefs from our “Known Zone”
When the time comes for your parents to have a real discussion about your belief in Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy, parents don’t usually say, “Oh yea, and you might want to think twice about all that other stuff in your “Known Zone” because some of it might not be accurate. We were only teaching you what someone taught us and there are a lot of things we’re still trying to figure out but if you figure it out before we do, come and talk to us because we would really be interested in what you’ve learned so we can change our beliefs around the way we parent you!
Here’s the part that I REALLY want you to think about – how many adults are walking around making choices based on childhood beliefs because they were never taught to question what they were taught before it became a belief? The answer is, “most of us!”
When we think about the level of success in our life, business, relationships, health and finances we begin to understand that our struggles are based on our “Known Zone” and the beliefs deriving from our “Known Zone”.
What are you struggling with that never seems to get easier?
Your Financial Situation
Your Parenting Choices
Where do you struggle? The definition of insanity is to continue doing things the same way and expecting different results – IT ISN’T GOING TO HAPPEN!
If your goal is to be a better “YOU” tomorrow than you are today, all of your choices must come from a different belief around your struggle than you’re currently using. If you want to get divorced but you have a belief that divorce is wrong, you may be staying in a marriage that’s unhealthy for both of you and any children who are involved.
If you want to quit your corporate job and start your own business but your belief is that you must be a loyal employee, give your all to the company, look forward to retirement and then you can start to have fun – it’s not likely you‘ll make the move.
If you want a healthier body but your belief about a healthy body is that you have to spend six hours a day in the gym and eat food you don’t like – you’ll never find the motivation you need.
If your relationship with one or both of your parents is strained but you have a belief that expressing your opinion means you’re being disrespectful, you will never help them see the real you!
When you know where your beliefs come from, you begin to see why your success could depend on understanding your “Known Zone”!
Nancy Mueller ~ Mastering Your Beliefs Mentor
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Hope is the feeling that what is wanted can be had or that events will turn out for the best.
For hope to exist, one must believe in the possibility of what is wanted.
For good to triumph over evil, we must believe that possibility exists.
To give birth to a healthy baby, a mother must believe that possibility exists.
To find the love of your life, one must believe the possibility exists.
To bring nations together in peace, one must believe the possibility exists.
To… well, I’m sure you get my point!
The possibilities of who we want to become or what we want to happen in our life are limitless. To tap into these limitless possibilities, one must overcome their biggest obstacle; what we believe to be true - especially the belief in oneself.
Once you realize that the wife, homemaker, employee, spouse, friend, mother, daughter, entrepreneur, homeowner and caretaker are parts of you but do not define you as a woman, you will open the door in your mind to the limitless possibilities that await you. And this creates hope!
When hope is present, you begin to see possibilities such as:
Now that you feel hope, a new door will be opened to you. This door will be full of limitless possibilities and opportunities and each opportunity will create choices. How will you choose in the face of these new opportunities? Will you choose to move forward, stay where you are or go back where you were?
Life Is All About Choices. Which door will you choose?
The urge to choose Door #1 can be strong because life behind that door is familiar to you, this is known territory. This is where we feel we have control in our life. This is also the place where hope feels lost.
Door #2 & #3 can create fear – a fear of the unknown. We create fear around what we do not know or understand because it gives us an excuse to stay where we are or retreat to where we were.
When our fear of staying where we are becomes less than our desire to move forward, door #3 will be the optimal choice. With our desire to move forward, comes hope!
Nancy Mueller ~ Mastering Your Beliefs Mentor
Who knew being a victim could be categorized as an addiction!
When we think of addictions, we think of drugs, food, alcohol, sex, cigarettes, exercise, retail therapy or even chocolate but who knew that being a victim would make the addiction list!
A victim is a person who is deceived or cheated, either by his or her own emotions or ignorance, by the dishonesty of others, or by some impersonal intervention. Keeping this in mind, one often thinks of a victim as someone who has suffered abuse or trauma. But what about the person who is deceived or cheated by his or her own emotions or ignorance?
Victims often ask, why does “this” keep happening to me? Why do “these” people keep showing up in my life? Why can’t I find a way to create financial success? Why is my health so out of control? Why don’t people treat me with more respect, don’t they understand that I am struggling? And where is God in all of this? Isn’t he supposed to be watching over us and keeping us safe! Why does God let these things happen?
“Victim Mode” can be so seductive because it allows us to blame another person, place, condition or deity for our struggles! It gives a person the opportunity to live a life of excuses instead of potential. If God meant for me to have a better life, he would have given me better parents, more opportunity, more money, made me better looking etc. Why try to eliminate struggle, when there are so many excuses to fail!
If victim mode has such a negative impact on our life, why do people continue to struggle with it?
Why does the alcoholic swear to never touch another drink and then not follow through? Why does the unhealthy person swear to get healthier only to continue making poor eating choices? Why do people struggle with finances and refuse to cut up their credit cards? The answer to all of these questions is because as much as they want something better, what they have is familiar to them – it is what they know. This is their “Known Zone.”
When something feels familiar it’s difficult to let it go, even if it isn’t for our highest good. Most of the time, people living in victim mode don’t want to look at where they are so they ignore it, swear they have put it behind them and move through their lives believing everything is fine and refuse to look at the choices they make that results in more struggle.
The seductive feeling that created the addiction in the first place is forever beckoning and as we tell ourselves that this is the last time we will let this happen, the struggle continues.
Making different choices and wanting to move forward is an unknown variable but looking backward is familiar. It may cause struggle but it’s a struggle we know, this is familiar territory and we know what to do to ignore it or cover it up. We tell ourselves, “I’ve got this” but all the while our life is spiraling out of control because we fear moving out of our “Known Zone.”
The same struggle will continue to show up in our life in different ways until we understand the belief around why we feel we deserve to struggle (victim mode). Someone cuts us off on the freeway, the checker at the supermarket is rude, telemarketers call your phone, you didn’t get that promotion (again), you have the worst job EVER, your family doesn’t understand you, your spouse isn’t who you married; the list is endless.
We tell ourselves that we want out, we want to change, we want a new life, but what does that really mean? Because we don’t have an answer to this our current life starts to look manageable. We believe it’s much safer to live within our daily struggles than to admit we are too scared to let them go. The seduction to stay where we feel safe is a powerful draw.
The seduction of victim mode causes struggle but also gives us something to blame the struggle on, such as:
I would have a better education if only…
I would have married a better person if only…
I could be healthier and love who I see in the mirror if only…
I could be earning a lot more money if only…
I could learn to love the holidays of only…
I could have more self-worth if only…
The “if only” list for living in victim mode could go on and on to fit whatever scenario the victim needs, to explain why their life is such a struggle.
And then, we finally do it! We find a way to end our struggles but it’s something we must commit to doing every single day and soon it feels like another struggle. Yes, we can have days when we feel happy or joyous, but even those feelings can be outside of our “known zone” so we soon make a choice that sabotages that happy feeling because the seductive life of victim mode is what we know.
Nancy Mueller ~ Mastering Your Beliefs Mentor
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