Every choice we make is based on a belief; we make choices because we believe it’s the right choice at that moment.
When we BELIEVE we are making the right choice, how do we know that our belief is accurate? Where do our beliefs come from and do they have a shelf life?
Whatever you believe can either support your success and happiness or create more struggle in your life or business.
Let’s take Victoria’s Secret – they have models with perfect bodies and sell millions of bras, lingerie, fashion items and perfume because somewhere, deep down, we believe that if we wear these items, we are one step closer to bringing their fashion success into our life.
Where does that belief come from?
Is it a belief or is it a wish, and where does the wish end and the belief begin?
When we wish for something, we must believe it’s possible or we wouldn’t wish for it.
Why do we struggle between our wishes and our beliefs?
Let’s go back to Victoria’s Secret.
A young girl sees a poster of a beautiful Victoria’s Secret model. She makes a wish, right then and there, to grow up to look like that woman.
The young girl may do some research to learn how this beautiful model keeps herself looking so beautiful. She learns that models are required to maintain a certain weight and what they do to maintain that weight. Thus, begins a journey to fulfill her wish to look like this model as well as creating a belief about what she can and cannot eat to fulfill this wish.
What if this same young girl sees this beautiful young model only to have her mother tell her, "that's inappropriate, young ladies don't sit like that!” In this scenario, the young girl grows up believing that posing this way is inappropriate and as she gets older, she struggles with body image issues.
Years later, both of these scenarios can cause this young girl who is now a young adult to struggle with her weight, her self-image, how she believes she is viewed by others, intimacy issues with a significant other, and the list goes on and on!
As an adult, what are the odds that this young woman will be able to recall that exact time in her life when she saw that poster and created her belief?
As an adult, she may believe her mother taught her right from wrong and how young ladies should and shouldn’t act. She loves her mother, and she knows that her mother always has her best interests at heart.
Or, as an adult she may struggle with her weight; always believing she is overeating and can never appreciate the woman she sees in the mirror. Through the years her mother tried to get her to eat, and now this young woman believes that her mother never supported her dream and this belief has caused a huge gap in their mother daughter relationship.
As adults, we often look for “who’s to blame” instead of giving ourselves permission to ask the most important question we could ask ourselves, “is that true or is that something I’ve always believed to be true and now that belief is causing me to struggle in certain areas of my life?”
The reality is, we believe what we believe because we do what we’ve always done because we know what we’ve always known to be true based on what we were taught.
But who taught them?
Did it all start with Victoria’s Secret, the girl, the mother or generations before them?
Perhaps she’ll never be able to track her belief back to its origin – but she can begin with the most important question she will ever ask herself, “Is that true, or is that something that I’ve always believed to be true, and how long will I allow that belief to cause me to struggle today?”
After all, Life Is All About Choices!
Nancy Mueller ~ Mastering Your Beliefs Mentor
Every self-help book, seminar, webinar, teleseminar and guru will tell you, “If you want to experience success around your goals and dreams, all you have to do is Believe It’s Possible!
But HOW do you make the belief a reality?
It seems like a silly question, but there are a lot of people who want to believe, they know they need to believe (because that’s what all the experts say), but the gap between dreams, hopes and what we believe is possible, can be huge.
The easy answer is, “Do It.” The challenge is, “Doing It.”
Too many people give up at the dreaming stage because they’re not sure it’s possible, they don’t want to tell other people (because what happens if they don’t make it), their friends and family try to talk them out of it, and the biggest reason of all, we don’t know how to believe in ourselves because of our own limiting beliefs.
The person who wants to run a marathon but isn’t sure he can make it to the finish line is the same person who will stand on the sidelines and cheer others to the finish line. Logically, they can see it’s possible, yet they can’t see themselves doing the same thing.
Then the experts tell us to “Visualize” that our dreams and goals have come true and what we will do when that happens. Since we don’t know what we don’t know, how can we visualize ourselves doing something we’ve never accomplished before?
Doubt sets in and then it’s difficult to believe in ourselves because of our own limiting beliefs.
So, the real question we want to ask ourselves is, “where do my limiting beliefs come from?”
When a child is told something often enough, soon he or she believes it to be true.
“You are the smartest kid I know” is a great thing to teach our children. But what happens when that child comes home crying and tells his parents that he is no longer the smartest kid in school because another student got a better grade on an assignment than he did? The way this is handled will either create a positive belief around how intelligent the child believes he is or create a limiting belief because the situation was handled in a negative way.
It’s not because the parents intentionally handled it in a negative way; parents can only handle it in a way that is in alignment with their own beliefs.
Either way, there will be an emotion and a feeling attached to this situation and the child will carry this belief with him or her into adulthood, either because of something he was told or because of something he intuited from the situation.
I had one goal the year I graduated high school; to get married and be a great wife. I had 3 requirements for my husband; that he be a good provider, that he never have an affair and that he never hit me or my children. This may not sound like a huge goal but for me, it seemed almost unattainable because this was not something I grew up with; my “child self” believed that this is what would make a happy life.
At the age of 17, I accomplished this goal.
By the time I was in my 40’s, all three of the requirements I had for a husband had been broken. And yet, even though my belief in what it took to live a happy life (to get married and be a great wife, have a husband who is a good provider, who never has an affair and that he never hit me or my children) had been proven false, it took several more years to end this relationship.
Why? Because I BELIEVED if I kept working towards this goal, that things would turn around and end up happily ever after!
What happens to the person who creates a life around their career but when they finally reach their career goals, they can’t understand why they are so unhappy? Or the person who never seems to earn more than a certain amount of money every year, no matter how hard they try?
By now, you can see the outcome of dreaming or goal setting greatly depends on our limiting beliefs.
Now that you know how your beliefs can keep you from being successful, you may begin to see the importance of questioning your beliefs. The easiest way to determine if a belief needs to be questioned when you are creating an important dream or goal, is to ask yourself, “how attached to the outcome of this dream/goal am I?” Then, listen for the answer. Chances are, if you’re making a decision because you are somehow trying to control the outcome, you are most likely working from a limiting belief.
Nancy Mueller ~ Mastering Your Beliefs Mentor
What happens when the person you see in the mirror doesn’t reflect the woman you are inside?
Self-image can be a major cause of struggle for women when, who they see on the outside, conflicts with who they are on the inside.
I always knew I have a gift, a gift to help people see things differently, bringing forward what was previously concealed. Yet I struggled to give this gift to myself.
I used to ask myself, “how is it possible for me to empower others so effortlessly and yet I am unable to empower myself?”
Growing up with questions about what had been done TO me created a strong belief that there were many things I would never be able to do, be or have in my life. This left me with very little motivation to attempt anything in my life that could be a cause for greatness!
My belief about what I believed was done TO me was buried so deeply that it lay concealed in ways that would often make itself known in disempowering ways. My whole life felt like everything I wanted was not possible, causing so much struggle that I only allowed people to see who I wanted them to see instead of the real me.
Somewhere deep inside my mind, I felt there was another me who was waiting to emerge and she looked nothing like the woman I would see in the mirror. The woman in the mirror reflected the person others told me I would one day become.
I was told I had no value, and the woman in the mirror reflected that belief.
I was told I was from the wrong kind of family, and the woman in the mirror reflected that belief.
I was told my value lied in the pleasures that my body could bring to another, and the woman in the mirror reflected that belief.
The choices of others made sure I experienced a lack of security and low self-worth, and the woman in the mirror reflected that belief.
One day, I heard someone say, “you are more than you believe, you are here for a reason. You are fragmented but you can make yourself whole and teach others to do the same.”
I would ask myself, “How can this be true? I feel so broken, how is it possible that I can truly be whole?” Therefore, I continued to struggle, because struggle felt familiar, it was known to me and I could take comfort in my habit to struggle.
But those words kept coming back to me, “you are more than you believe, you are here for a reason. You are fragmented but you can make yourself whole and teach others to do the same.” These words became a new struggle; the struggle to step out of the old belief to make room for this new belief.
As I hesitantly accepted the journey on my path to greatness, I realized that I can take something fragmented and make it whole again by learning that every struggle and heartbreak is an opportunity for growth and acceptance.
How often do we allow the person in the mirror to be a confirmation of our struggles and heartbreak instead of embracing the woman who is working desperately to emerge and be seen?
What beliefs need to be reevaluated or eliminated for her to emerge like the beautiful butterfly that emerges from its cocoon?
I lovingly ask you, “if the woman you see in the mirror is in conflict with the “inner you” what will it take to allow her to emerge and show the world that she was in there the whole time!
Nancy Mueller ~ Mastering Your Beliefs Mentor
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