Have you ever had a fear of your car breaking down,
while you’re driving,
on a deserted road,
you have no cell service?
Not every woman has a fear of this situation, but I think you’ll admit that this scenario has the potential to be a good example of a fearful situation!
When you think of your car breaking down, at night, while you’re driving alone, on a deserted road, and you have no cell service, it’s easy to let your mind wander by taking a mildly annoying situation and blowing it out of proportion by creating a “worst case scenario”.
If you were in this situation, you have a choice to stay calm and consider your options or panic and believe the worst. The good news is, whatever choice you make, both are within your power to make.
You could choose to panic and think the worst, OR you could use that same imagination to…
see yourself reaching into the back seat,
grabbing your emergency road kit with a CB that runs on solar power,
turning it on,
dialing into the emergency roadside assistance channel,
help arrives within 10 minutes and the mechanic soon has your car running and back on the road. (Feel free to add anything you want here such as you fall madly in love with the mechanic and ride off into the sunset together to live happily ever after. After all, this is your imagination we are talking about!)
With this example, you begin to understand how you have the power to actually retrain your brain because you are forcing yourself to make conscious thought instead of relying on the subconscious thought that had caused anxiety about driving at night.
We imagine the worst-case scenario for so many things in our life; what if he doesn’t call me, what if I’m not pretty enough, what if I’m not smart enough, what if I plan a meeting and no one shows… geez, the list is endless.
Teaching ourselves to think positive instead of allowing F.E.A.R. (False Evidence Appearing Real) to take over is simply a matter of replacing one habit for another (imagining a positive outcome instead of a negative outcome).
There are a couple of questions you can ask yourself when you begin to make different choices when it comes to fear based situations.
#1.) What is the name of my fear (in this case; fear of strangers, fear of carjackers, etc.)
#2.) Is this fear a cause for physical danger?
#3.) We would answer “yes” to this question if we were truly out on the deserted road however, for the sake of this conversation, we’re talking about a fear that hasn’t happened yet, but is always on your mind. Maybe you saw this scenario in a movie and it left you feeling creepy and vulnerable and you haven’t been able to let go of the fear and anxiety associated with what you saw. Keep in mind, this hasn’t happened to you, but you think about it, a lot, and can’t seem to let it go.
#4.) Now that you’ve determined you’re not in physical danger and you‘ve confirmed that your fear has been created in your mind – you can easily see how something you create in your mind can be un-created or recreated which is a positive and more empowering way to look at it.
#5.) Now… ask yourself this question, “how many times in the past, have I been driving on a deserted road, at night, alone, on a deserted road, when my car breaks down, and I have no cell service?”
Are you starting to see how powerful this line of questioning can be as you begin to chip away at the anxiety to analyze the fear?
So, the next time you find yourself thinking of the “worst case scenario” remind yourself to practice these questions that can help you move past the fear. Go ahead, be creative and find a way to bring a positive and abundant outcome to your fear and prove to yourself and the world that you have the power to create positive outcomes just as easily as negative outcomes!
What fear has been cropping up for you, over and over and over that you are finally ready to stop struggling with?
You may have to dig deep because we often disguise our struggles by believing that something is happening TO us instead of the fact that we are creating our own reality! Fear wears many masks, such as: frustration, anger, resentment, guilt, denial, and even depression.
Once you have a name for the fear, apply these questions and watch what happens.
Nancy Mueller ~ Mastering Your Beliefs Sensei
While on the road to discovering our life’s purpose, the greatest joy is when we find ourselves saying, “This is it, this is what I’m meant to do with my life!”
But what happens when you think you have it all figured out and then setbacks happen; we start to doubt ourselves because things aren’t going according to our plans or we feel like our life is spiraling out of control.
This is when doubts set in and we have conversations with ourselves that sound something like, “I am such a loser! I can’t believe how many times I have tried to make this business/goal/belief work and have had nothing but failures! If this is what I’m truly meant to do with my life, then why am I having such a hard time (earning a living at this, getting my message out, finding the right clients, getting others to believe in my dream, etc.).
Once these negative conversations get started, this is where most people give up. They allow doubt to creep in because friends and family members who mean well and want the best for them will say things like, “hey, at least you tried” or “when are you going to get serious about your life?”
When I was in the sixth grade, I wanted to study Martial Arts. When I was in the ninth grade, I decided I wanted to speak in front of large groups of people and share a message that would create a positive impact on the audience.
When I was in my thirties, I finally had the opportunity to begin my Martial Arts training and that is when I thought I had discovered my life’s purpose; teaching self-defense to women. My business was called W.A.V.E. (Women Against Violent Encounters) and I loved teaching.
When teaching self-defense, I also loved teaching the philosophies behind the Martial Arts (or, what I call, Mental Martial Arts). I loved sharing these philosophies so much that soon the women were not as interested in learning the physical techniques but became more interested in mental martial arts.
Doubt set in; how can I keep accepting their money to take my classes and workshops when they aren’t even learning what they are supposed to be learning?
We learn from our mistakes; one of my mistakes was assuming the women were there to learn what I thought I was supposed to be teaching them. Once I got out of my own head and started paying attention to what they were taking away from the classes and workshops, I realized the mental martial arts were empowering women in their everyday lives; in their relationships, careers and aspirations! In this case I, as the teacher, had become the student as I started to see the bigger picture of what I was offering these women. Once I accepted the transition from the physical teachings to the spiritual teachings or, the Mental Martial Arts, my ability to be able to help my clients grew into something I could not have foreseen when I started my journey.
Once we understand that “we don’t know what we don’t know” and give ourselves permission to grow farther than we ever thought possible, we open a door to more abundance, prosperity, rewards, and return on our investment because we are actually allowing ourselves to answer more than a calling, and we begin to ask questions such as, “if this was the start of my purpose, where will it grow from here? What glass ceilings will I shatter, what ladders will I continue to climb and who else am I meant to impact with my ever-growing purpose?
Once we begin to understand that every journey begins with the first step, we will no longer have those conversations with ourselves that sound something like, “I am such a loser! I can’t believe how many times I have tried to make this business/goal/belief work and have had nothing but failures! If this is what I’m truly meant to do with my life, then why am I having such a hard time (earning a living at this, getting my message out, finding the right clients, getting others to believe in my dream, etc.) because we will FINALLY understand that those first few steps are leading us to the grand design that our life is meant to be.
Once we have reached this level of “knowing” we will never again allow ourselves to doubt who we are or what we are meant to accomplish in this lifetime! Every mistake becomes a mis-take; a do-over! The do-over that is an opportunity to make mistake after mistake knowing that every single time we don’t get it exactly like we want it, it’s usually because we are limiting our true potential and not because we did something wrong!
So, the next time you believe you have discovered your life’s purpose, give yourself permission to say, “it’s more than just a calling, this is my opportunity to take the first step towards my greatness!
Nancy Mueller ~ Mastering Your Beliefs Sensei
It wasn’t that long ago when the thought of Mother’s Day used to make me roll my eyes in dreaded anticipation.
People would tell me, “you’d better appreciate your mother, she’s the only mother you have!”
My reply was always the same, “My mother is the reason that “witch” is spelled with a CAPITOL “B”!!!”
Year after year I looked for a card that said something along the lines of, “I’m buying you this card because it’s Mother’s Day and because you’re my mother and I feel obligated to send a card to you.”
I guess Hallmark never got around to making that type of card!
I was the last person who would have ever thought that my mother and I would one day collaborate on a book about Healing Mother/Daughter relationships!
Now… I’m not here to suggest to you, that if your relationship with your mother is somewhere between strained and wanting to disown her that you should change your mind but I am here to tell you that as long as you allow the relationship to disempower you, in any way, you are allowing your mother to own a piece of you (I’ll bet that wasn’t something you wanted to hear!)
Being mad, upset, hateful, resentful, sad, holding a grudge, vindictive or spiteful (yes, these words once described how I felt about my mom) towards another person is like taking poison and expecting the other person to die. They don’t die but the negative feelings will eat you up inside and eat away at your mental, physical and spiritual well-being.
What then, is the answer?
In my case, and in the case of many other women I have spoken to and clients I have worked with, the answer is “YOU”.
Yes, YOU must be ready to change YOU.
I used to think it was my mother who needed to change. I’m not sure I completely worked it all out in my mind but for my mother to change to my satisfaction, it would have had to have looked something like her begging my forgiveness and then shapeshifting into a beautiful queen who had the power to grant my every wish and shower me with love, affection and presents (or something like that!!).
The truth is, even if my mom had shapeshifted into a beautiful queen, I still would have had to deal with the feelings, emotions and beliefs that had been plaguing me since childhood. You can see that, whether or not my mother changed, I still had to come to terms with my own lack of empowerment over our relationship.
As I began my journey to empowerment, my mother was watching (that means she was silently stalking me on social media) and trying to figure out where my happiness was coming from and how she could get a healthy dose of it.
One day she said, “Nancy, I’m watching what you’re doing with other women and I think that maybe what you’re doing could work for us. What do you think?” What did I think? I think I wondered who was asking me that question and what had she done with my mother!
We all know that no one has the power to change another person but we keep on trying, don’t we? Every individual has to want to make their own changes before changes will happen.
So, my mom asked me to work with her and teach her what I was teaching my clients. The result… Healing The Child Within, Life Is All About Choices.
If you’re still in the “rolling your eyes” stage and not ready to be empowered in your mother/daughter relationship, it’s ok – stay there as long as you need to. If, however, you’re ready to make some changes, perhaps our method will also work for you.
Bottom line, you can wait for Hallmark to make a card that says, “because you’re my mother, I feel obligated to send a card to you” OR, you can start today to be empowered within your mother/daughter relationship instead of waiting for your mom to shapeshift into a beautiful queen!
Happy Mother’s Day!
Nancy Mueller ~ Mastering Your Beliefs Sensei
It starts innocently enough, harsh words that can't be taken back, a grab, a push, a shove; that always feels like anything but love.
It wasn't supposed to be this way; the cake, the presents and the vows, I was convinced my life would be different now.
Will there ever come a day when my body is truly mine? When I can wear what I want instead of always covering up the signs?
I've learned to hide it well, God only knows I've spent a lifetime learning how to survive this life of hell.
Do I long for a life that can never be? It seems the answer to that is "yes" because the signs are all around me.
The books, the movies and the songs, no longer send a message to treat a woman with reverence. What then is the message we're sending to girls about the value of their very presence? What of my own childhood that was full of hurt, anger and self-loathing?
That was how I learned to cover up the secrets and the lies with just the right clothing.
I want out, I want to be free; sometimes Too often, I simply begged death to take me.
Then I met a woman who told me, “there is another way!” She taught me to find my inner strength, and that empowered me to make it through the day. I thought my only way out was to learn to fight, but she told me the way out, is through peace and light.
I walked in darkness, but have found the light, no longer do I require the need to fight. The path of least resistance now guides my way, because this is what brings me joy and happiness every day.
Every person has their Divine Design, everyday I'm grateful I've discovered mine.
Nancy Mueller ~ Mastering Your Beliefs Sensei
Note: this message came to me through one of my morning meditations. It is with sincere gratitude that I now walk in peace and light and feel truly blessed to be able to empower, motivate and inspire women globally to find their own peace and light.
Output is always determined by input.
In other words, your end result will always be determined by what goes into your work. (If you want to create the world's best cupcake, using inferior ingredients will result in an inferior cupcake).
Now that I have you thinking about what goes into the world's greatest cupcake, consider the ingredients (input) that goes into your mind on a daily basis. Whatever you put into your mind (or what has been put there in the past) is the basis for EVERY single choice you make in your life.
Where do the ingredients (input) for what we believe come from? From the time your infant self was brought home from the hospital, everything you believe today is based on what your parents/caregivers taught you. Your beliefs are the ingredients for your success (or lack of success).
Can we blame our lack of success in this lifetime on our parents or caregivers? Yes, you absolutely can blame someone else for where you are in your life, however, blaming will always keep you right where you are. Our parents teach us what was taught to them by their parents and this teaching method goes back every generation before that. The good news is, you can learn to break this cycle of beliefs to create the ingredients you need for your success!
Too often I talk to people who tell me they "want" to make changes in their life but when they discover the changes they desire must start with their beliefs, it’s often difficult for them to accept this reality.
Ask yourself this question, what do I believe about who I am? You don't even have to be able to answer the question because whatever is showing up in your life is your answer. If you’re unhappy with your career, health, relationships, financial success, where you live, spiritual connections, or just an uneasy feeling about your life in general, you will have the answer you seek about who you believe you are. Here is the good news: You have the power to change it all because you have the power to change the ingredients (input).
Stop to think about our daily choices of input: books, TV, social media, movies, music, radio, news, the people you surround yourself with. What was the last book you read? Did it inspire, motivate or empower you to make some desired changes in your life? How do you choose to spend your time; watching the latest TV reality series or spending time in quiet meditation to make a stronger spiritual connection to discover your soul's wants and desires?
What is the first thing you listen to every morning while you are preparing for your day? Do you listen to Constantly Negative News where you have no say about what is being absorbed into your subconscious mind or do you listen to peaceful meditative music meant to inspire, motivate and empower you throughout your day? What is the last thing you listen to before going to sleep at night? The last 20 minutes of mindful thinking will be taken with you into your subconscious mind as you sleep. Are you choosing to listen to something that will inspire, motivate and empower you or something that will leave you with a negative feeling?
Every choice we make about what we listen to, what we watch, who we surround ourselves with, why we chose the career we are in, our geographical location, our level of financial stability, what we eat (or don't eat) is based on what we believe about why we make that choice.
When you can ask yourself, "Is that true? Is what I believe to be true really the truth or is that merely something that was taught to me that I have never thought to question?" When you can answer this question without judgment or emotion, you'll find your beliefs will be put to the test. Should you choose to change your beliefs, thereby changing your current reality, you may soon realize that change can only take place when you change your input (ingredients) of thoughts or beliefs.
Changing any of your beliefs is very difficult to do on your own because we believe what we believe for a reason and we don't know what we don't know. Find someone you trust to work with who will challenge your current beliefs so that you can give yourself permission to change the ingredients you have used in the past to ingredients that you now realize will have a different effect on your level of success.
Whether you are making cupcakes or desire to change your reality, the outcome of both will be determined by the ingredients (input/beliefs) you choose to use.
Nancy Mueller ~ Mastering Your Beliefs Sensei
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