I truly hope this message finds you in good spirits and looking forward to the New Year!
I keep thinking about something my mentor said, “let people see the real you”!
I have been going over that statement in my head since he said it. He also told me not to focus on me but to focus on what’s important to me.
The thing that’s important to me is to love and be loved unconditionally and to feel secure. I want security in my life. Nothing is for sure but to me security means that I can pay my bills on time and in full every month. That I live in a place (home, apartment, etc.) where I wake up every morning to the sights and sounds of things I have picked out to surround myself with. This includes my furniture, my books, my kitchen, my cookware, a clean place to live, a place to sit and read while I enjoy a cup of tea – all of these things are very important to me. These are the things I worked so hard for and yet walked away from not once but twice because the experience of living with someone who is unhappy with the person they see in the mirror is unacceptable to me. Life is too short to spend it with unhappy people.
Unconditional love means that we love ourselves so much, we would never consider staying with someone who doesn’t love us back, unconditionally. For me the thought of being with a man who will love me for who I am instead of who he needs me to be so that he can feel better about himself is unacceptable. If you don’t like yourself when you’re by yourself, you’re counting on others to make you happy. I may or may not find someone who fits that criteria but I do know that I love myself enough to want unconditional love and security – so it’s time to embrace the possibilities!
Letting go: When I gave myself permission to stop making sure I was giving everyone else what they need, every thought then turned to, “what do I want?”
I want things that make me happy and the things that make me happy are living in my own place, my own things about me, a peaceful atmosphere in my home, a place to invite friends and family over for a meal, a real bed to sleep in, a steady flow of income, to teach, to coach, to speak to audiences, to feel loved, to have my own things about me, financial security, be around the Italian culture, intimacy, clothes, shoes, purses, to go to the grocery store without a budget, to walk on the beach, to exercise, to listen to my music, to dance, to cook, to feel the sunshine streaming through the windows in my home, to grow my own flowers and vegetables, to laugh, to be playful, snuggling, visiting with my family, reciprocity, to be around positive happy people, to feel the connection to Spirit every day, to date, to meet new people and have stimulating and intellectual conversations with them, hugs, meals outside, window shopping, massages, Martial Arts, listening to 50’s music, watching action movies, learning something new every day and to apply that knowledge somewhere in my life, to eat healthy food, driving a clean car, and most of all – being loud and proud about who I am!
All of these things that make me happy are who I am will never again be put on hold! Never again will I allow myself to be “less than” so that someone else can feel better about themselves!
My wish for you this New Year’s Eve is that you are appreciating the caring, loving person that you are in an effort to put your concerns and doubts into a perspective of unconditional love for yourself. It’s so easy to want to slide into victim mode when things aren’t going the way we planned in our life.
When I walked into the courthouse to file for my 2nd divorce, I never thought I would find myself in that situation again, I doubted my decision because the fear of the unknown was huge and I realized that not one person in the room cared about how I was feeling. It’s their job to move people through the system, to stay emotionally detached and to make sure all the forms are filled out correctly. They don’t care that you’re losing everything you worked for, they don’t care that you’re hurting, they don’t care that you’re going through a period of low self-worth - they can’t care because it would keep them from doing their job. I knew it wasn’t personal but it sure felt personal to me. In the end, it wasn’t about losing the material things, it was about drawing on the unconditional love I have for myself to have EVERYTHING I want in a relationship or no relationship at all. No more walking around on eggshells because you don’t know what kind of mood the other person is in.
Enough of that – life is too short to be moody!!
Anyway, I want you to know that I am thinking of you, that I truly hope this evening will be about celebrating the New Year and your New Beginning. Our life only sucks if we let it suck!
Nancy Mueller ~ The Empowerment Sensei of Possibilities!
Yeah, the New Year is here! Time to say good-bye to the old year and put all our hopes and dreams into the New Year.
Or so the saying goes…
It isn’t the new year that’s going to make a difference in your life. The changes you are looking for will happen when you understand that every minute of every single day is an opportunity to change your life.
The only reason people complain is because they believe something better exists. So, the question I like to ask is, “If you believe something better exists, why aren’t you spending your energy on finding that “something better” instead of complaining?”
Spending one second of your life complaining about what went wrong in the past will never change your future. Your future will be different than your past when you stop making the same choices.
I know what you’re thinking, “Hey, wait a minute. There were a lot of things that happened in the past that were not my fault and were beyond my control. If you truly believe that, then you should probably stop reading this blog right now because I can absolutely assure you that, that is not true.
The only thing you have control over are the thoughts you think and the choices you make based on those thoughts. If you believe things are being done “TO” you, then you are living in victim mode.
If you are still reading, it’s either because I have hit a nerve or you are hoping to prove me wrong.
What do you want in the new year? How do you want the new year to be different than the previous year? What are you doing to make these changes happen?
There is only one way your life is going to be different. You must be willing to look within yourself, stop blaming others, and learn to pull from the tremendous inner strength that you possess. Once you make that commitment, your life will be one of empowerment instead of victim.
If you believe that being empowered has no tangible benefits, think again. Being empowered gives you the inner strength to ask and receive that pay raise or something better, leave that toxic relationship, walk away from people who drain your energy, create (and experience) financial success, love who you see in the mirror, live a life of passion and purpose, the list is endless.
This commitment to living an empowered life is not for people who complain or blame other people, places, conditions and events for where they are in their life. Living an empowered life is for the person who is willing to embrace his or her inner warrior and take a stand instead of living their life with one foot in the past and one foot in the future. When you live with one foot in the past and one foot in the future, you are making a choice to stay where you are.
What are you thinking right now? Are you getting angry yet? Why is it, when we read or hear something that challenges our beliefs, we get angry? The answer to that is simple, FEAR.
We fear what we do not know or understand and we believe it’s much easier to get angry, point fingers, judge and condemn. But the truth is, the frustrations you have with others is your ego-self enabling to avoid what needs to be faced from within.
I get it, you're tired of struggling. You want the answers that will make your life easier.
You keep asking yourself, "How could I possibly be "here" when "here" is not what I had envisioned for myself?"
The experts tell us that we create our own reality. But these same experts teach us to never give up on our dreams, to know our purpose in life and do what makes us happy. Well, after you've done that, after you scrimped and given up so many things to achieve your goals why are you still not living the life you had hoped for?
The answer to that is, “It’s all about the inner work. When you are ready to face the person in the mirror, you will become empowered beyond your wildest imagination.
Of course, you don’t have to take my word for it, you can always try to prove me wrong. Trust me, I’ve lived in victim mode; blaming other people, places, conditions and events because I truly believed that things were being done “TO” me. And now, now I help others see that living an empowered life has so many more tangible benefits than living the life of a victim.
Go ahead, embrace your inner warrior, draw on your inner strength, face the person in the mirror and watch the abundance flow into your life! Just remember, Life Is All About Choices!
Nancy Mueller ~ The Empowerment Sensei
She is pretty sure she wants to leave, at least she thinks she does because it seems to be all she thinks about. But she has everything she’s ever dreamed of; a nice house, beautiful children, a reliable car, and a handsome husband. She wants for nothing, and yet, something is missing. Her thoughts of leaving bring her feelings of guilt for even thinking about leaving. What would people say? Who would take care of her children? How will her husband manage? As she suffers in silence with her guilty thoughts, deep down, she knows she will stay. But she wonders…
The years pass by, and she watches her daughter with her own daughter and thinks to herself, “my daughter seems so distant; I wish I could get her to talk to me and tell me what she is thinking. I want to help heal whatever hurt she is going through. I made the right decision to stay. I raised a beautiful daughter who is raising a beautiful daughter of her own. I was right to stay, I did the right thing because I will always be here for my daughter and when she is ready to talk, I will be here for her and listen.”
She has no way of knowing that every single day her daughter asks herself, “is this it? Is this all there will ever be in my life? This isn’t what I thought being a wife and mother would be. My mother made it look so easy, why can’t I be more like my mother? She would be so ashamed of me if she knew how unhappy I am. I feel so guilty, I should be more grateful. After all, I have a beautiful home, a beautiful daughter, the newest model car, and a handsome husband. What is wrong with me? Why do I feel like I’m missing out on something important in my life? Every day I wrestle with the guilt of wanting more and the reality of staying where I am. I should be more grateful. I should be more like my mother. But she wonders…
The years pass by and she is having lunch with her daughter. Her mom is gone now, and she misses her every single day. She wonders what her mother would have thought of her if she had had the courage to confide in her about wanting something more in her life. She looks across the table at her daughter and she feels the estrangement between them. It’s nothing she can really put her finger on; her daughter calls her (not as much as she would like), her daughter is polite to her (but she doesn’t seem to need her) her daughter seems so very happy with her career and her friends. She acts like she is so happy but deep down she must be hurting.
She tells me she is living her life the way that makes her happy. But how can she be happy when she isn’t married, she doesn’t own her own home and she doesn’t even talk about having children of her own? At this rate, I will never be a grandmother. If she would only talk to me and stop pretending she is so happy, I know I could help her. How could my daughter have turned out this way? This is not the way I raised her. But she wonders…
As the daughter sits across from her mother, she is trying very hard to have patience. It’s all she can do to keep from jumping up and running out of the restaurant. Her mother just doesn’t understand her and she never will. She is sick and tired of her mother asking her when she’s going to get married, settle down and give her a grandchild. I just can’t tell her that I don’t want that life. She had everything she could ever need and yet she didn’t seem very happy. I watched my father work harder to make her happy and nothing seemed to work. If that’s what marriage is, I don’t want any part of it. My life is so much better than my mother’s life. She doesn’t believe in going after your dreams, to live life to the fullest and living life on purpose. She will never understand me and when I'm with her, all I think about is "how soon I can leave?"
Nancy Mueller ~ Empowerment Sensei
There is an epidemic going around that’s not only contagious, it also has the power to destroy a person’s level of belief in him or herself.
This epidemic causes people to ask themselves, “Who Am I” to teach this message, share this opportunity, be brilliant, talented, beautiful or fabulous? In fact, there are so many people with the “Who Am I” disease, this epidemic has reached epic proportions!
There are so many talented people who are comparing their life, their possessions, their successes, their financial status and even their relationships based on what they believe someone else has only to fall short of what they think someone else is accomplishing.
Wannabe entrepreneurs are watching their peers and asking, “How are they earning a living doing what I would also love to be doing? What do they know that I don’t know?
People look in the mirror and they see someone they don’t like staring back at them. They ask, “why am I so plain, fat, short, tall (the list is endless)!
When complimented, why do so many people have difficulty seeing their greatness when it is so evident to others?
The answer to these questions lies in the “Who Am I” epidemic and the only cure for this epidemic is to, “Question Everything!”
When did your belief that you are anything less than brilliant, talented, beautiful or fabulous begin? How has it shaped the person you are today? What possible benefit do you gain when you believe you are “less than” anyone else? Why do you allow your fears to keep you from living your dreams, asking for what you want or making changes in your life?
Every belief we have starts with something that someone else taught us. And they taught us based on whatever was taught to them. Isn’t it about time you start to “Question Everything?”
The good news is there is a cure to the “Who Am I” epidemic. The cure is to “Question Everything!” Get in the habit of asking yourself, “How do I know this is true?” How do you know what you are reading right now is true? Do yourself a favor, “Question Everything!”
Nancy Mueller ~ Empowerment Sensei
The honest truth is, I didn’t get to be The Empowerment Sensei because I always knew this is who I wanted to be.
Another truth is, I never believed I would “BE” anything!
The journey from nonbelief to Empowerment Sensei was full of highs, lows, triumphs, pitfalls, hurts, and self-doubt. But the way, The Way to becoming the Empowerment Sensei now that’s a story worth telling!
I believed if I did everything the opposite of what my own mother did, I would be the perfect mother; I wrong!
I believed I was in control of my life; I wrong!
I believed that it didn’t matter that my husband didn’t love and honor me the way a husband should love and honor a wife because I was willing to be strong enough for both of us; I wrong!
I believed that “if you build it, they will come”; I wrong!
I believed I was a victim of my childhood traumas; I wrong!
I believed I had no self-worth, and I am so happy that I was wrong about that belief!
Do you ever stop to ask yourself where your beliefs come from? Every choice we make is based on what we believe the best outcome will be, based on what we believe to be true.
Everything we believe begins during the first 8 years of our life. Our parents or caregivers taught us right from wrong, good from bad, safe from unsafe and the list goes on and on. But who taught them? Like a family tradition or urban legend that is handed down generation after generation, very rarely do we question where these beliefs come from. And yet, we take these beliefs with us into adulthood and, as adults, we are still making choices based on concepts, ideas, experiences and the beliefs of others that we never think to question.
Until life hits us over the head! Death, divorce, taxes, relationships, careers and even our health are all topics we don’t give much thought to because as adults, “we just know” how it all works. We know how it all works until it stops working the way we believe it should, and then we’re faced with a choice – ignore what is continually surfacing in our life by not dealing with it or covering it up with one or more addictions (retail therapy, “I’m too busy right now”, drugs, alcohol, sex, gambling, food, career – the list of things to help us avoid dealing with life can be endless!).
If we never give ourselves permission to question where our beliefs come from, how can we possibly grow beyond the truths we acquired during our childhood years? Essentially, we’re making adult decisions based on childhood thoughts and beliefs.
How crazy is that?
When you’re ready to question your beliefs, The Way can be confusing. How could it not be confusing when you start to question everything you believe? You mean I do have self-worth? You mean I really don’t have to stay in a toxic marriage? You mean that life doesn’t have to be hard? Like an avalanche of snow falling down the mountain, your questions will invade every open minute of your day. You will fall asleep with questions, wake up with questions and move through your day with questions; it can be maddening because the only answers are the answers you believe to be true!
Unless you’re willing to be wrong! When you give yourself permission to question your beliefs, you are willing to be wrong (not really, but it will seem that way) and then the journey begins.
What if you walk through your day and start paying attention to what you believe? Start living a conscious existence rather than living an unconscious life. The next time you hear yourself say, “I don’t like cream in my coffee” you can ask yourself, where does that belief come from? When you are satisfied that your belief is something that is absolute truth, you will then start to ask some of the deep-seated beliefs such as, “there never seems to be enough time in the day to get everything done!”
Are you beginning to see how this works? I call it “opposite thinking” – the willingness to be wrong so you can look at your life from a different perspective. Life is all about choices my friend and you can choose to live within your current belief system or you can be willing to be wrong! Whichever way you choose, both choices are yours to make but one choice is The Way to embracing the warrior within because this is where you will tap into your Inner Strength and embrace the gift of how wonderful being wrong can be!
Nancy Mueller ~ Empowerment Sensei
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