It wasn’t that long ago when the thought of Mother’s Day used to make me roll my eyes in dreaded anticipation.
People would tell me, “you’d better appreciate your mother, she’s the only mother you have!”
My reply was always the same, “My mother is the reason that “witch” is spelled with a CAPITOL “B”!!!”
Year after year I looked for a card that said something along the lines of, “I’m buying you this card because it’s Mother’s Day and because you’re my mother and I feel obligated to send a card to you.”
I guess Hallmark never got around to making that type of card!
I was the last person who would have ever thought that my mother and I would one day collaborate on a book about Healing Mother/Daughter relationships!
Now… I’m not here to suggest to you, that if your relationship with your mother is somewhere between strained and wanting to disown her that you should change your mind but I am here to tell you that as long as you allow the relationship to disempower you, in any way, you are allowing your mother to own a piece of you (I’ll bet that wasn’t something you wanted to hear!)
Being mad, upset, hateful, resentful, sad, holding a grudge, vindictive or spiteful (yes, these words once described how I felt about my mom) towards another person is like taking poison and expecting the other person to die. They don’t die but the negative feelings will eat you up inside and eat away at your mental, physical and spiritual well-being.
What then, is the answer?
In my case, and in the case of many other women I have spoken to and clients I have worked with, the answer is “YOU”.
Yes, YOU must be ready to change YOU.
I used to think it was my mother who needed to change. I’m not sure I completely worked it all out in my mind but for my mother to change to my satisfaction, it would have had to have looked something like her begging my forgiveness and then shapeshifting into a beautiful queen who had the power to grant my every wish and shower me with love, affection and presents (or something like that!!).
The truth is, even if my mom had shapeshifted into a beautiful queen, I still would have had to deal with the feelings, emotions and beliefs that had been plaguing me since childhood. You can see that, whether or not my mother changed, I still had to come to terms with my own lack of empowerment over our relationship.
As I began my journey to empowerment, my mother was watching (that means she was silently stalking me on social media) and trying to figure out where my happiness was coming from and how she could get a healthy dose of it.
One day she said, “Nancy, I’m watching what you’re doing with other women and I think that maybe what you’re doing could work for us. What do you think?” What did I think? I think I wondered who was asking me that question and what had she done with my mother!
We all know that no one has the power to change another person but we keep on trying, don’t we? Every individual has to want to make their own changes before changes will happen.
So, my mom asked me to work with her and teach her what I was teaching my clients. The result… Healing The Child Within, Life Is All About Choices.
If you’re still in the “rolling your eyes” stage and not ready to be empowered in your mother/daughter relationship, it’s ok – stay there as long as you need to. If, however, you’re ready to make some changes, perhaps our method will also work for you.
Bottom line, you can wait for Hallmark to make a card that says, “because you’re my mother, I feel obligated to send a card to you” OR, you can start today to be empowered within your mother/daughter relationship instead of waiting for your mom to shapeshift into a beautiful queen!
Happy Mother’s Day!
Nancy Mueller ~ Mastering Your Beliefs Sensei
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