This morning as I lay on the beach listening to the sound of the waves crashing in front of me, I felt peace and contentment. As I let my mind wander, my thoughts drifted to a time when the sound of the waves crashing gave me a sense of dread and fear...
... It was 2:00 in the morning and I was standing on the beach, blindfolded and shivering in the night air. I tried to listen to what was going on around me so that I could get some idea of what was going to happen but all I could hear was the sound of the waves crashing very close to where I was standing. I tried to hear sounds coming from my sister or brothers that would let me know that they were OK but, again, all I could hear was the ocean. I wanted to speak, no, I wanted to scream out and yell at him and ask him what was happening; but I knew better. When we were told to do something we did it, with no questions asked because if we didn't, the consequences would always be brutal. My mind was racing and I was trying to figure out how to get out of this predicament. I couldn't figure out why we were standing at the edge of the ocean, in the middle of the night. I kept going over the entire day in my head and asking myself what I or one of my siblings could have done that had finally pushed him over the edge. With the roar of the ocean in my ears, the only conclusion I could come to was that one or more of us had finally angered him to the point that he had decided to bring us out here in the middle of the night and drown us. I am not sure if I was afraid or looking forward to ending the madness that was my life. Then I started thinking about the fact that there were five of us and there was no way he could drown all five of us at the same time so I started to devise a plan. I was the oldest and it was up to me to figure a way out of this. I figured if I grabbed the baby and started running and just kept running until I found help that I could save at least two of us and maybe put an end to this madness. Finally I heard my mother speak up and tell him that he had to stop because we were too afraid. Even though I could not see his face through my blindfold, I could feel his fury and held my breath to see what would happen next. I felt him pick me up and throw me in the back of the truck and when all five of us were in the truck together, I heard the door slam and then the driver and passenger doors slam and the truck started up. I breathed a sigh of relief because once more we had made it through another one of his initiations. It was 1964; I was 7 years old.
It took a long time to let go of the fears that were created in the mind of a 7-year old girl. Some people never find a way to eliminate the fears that seem so real. When fear is your every day companion, the world can seem like a dark and dreary place. Childhood experiences can lurk in the subconscious mind for years and the memories will surface in the form of fear each time we attempt to move out of our comfort zone causing us to step back into our "safe" place.
Anyone who has ever pushed past their limiting beliefs, will tell you that they had to step out of their comfort zone before they could move forward. Who do you know that is still blaming something in his or her past that is keeping them from moving forward? These old memories can overshadow every choice we make causing hurt, pain, poor health, and debilitating depression.
The good news... these memories are exactly that - memories. When you are ready to stop letting those memories have power over you, you will change the thoughts you think, the choices you make, and the world begins to unfold in front of your very eyes, bringing you joy, love of "self", laughter, happiness and abundance.
When the desire to move forward in your life overpowers the pain that is holding you back, you will be unstoppable.
Once you are unstoppable, you can go find your own beach to lie on and listen to the sounds that bring you joy, peace and contentment!
Yours In Health,
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