A woman’s F.E.A.R. (False Evidence Appearing Real) around the word “Divorce” can show up in many different ways; denial, avoidance, procrastination, struggle, failure, or judgement and these fears begin with the negative mind chatter that streams through a woman’s mind like a never-ending movie trailer.
A woman’s judgement of herself can be hars,h which often results in a type of self-punishment that can go undetected when she tries to keep specific topics off limits in her conscious thoughts.
The problem with this is that our conscious thoughts take place only while we’re awake and occupy about 12% of our mind, while our subconscious thoughts occupy 88% of our mind, whether we’re awake or asleep.
There is no getting away from subconscious thought so when a word like “Divorce” invokes a sense of fear in our mind, we may try to outrun this thought by trying to keep busy, avoiding the topic, exercising, drinking, or zoning out with mind numbing choices like medication, mindless TV, social media or fake news to reassure us that all is well within our relationship.
We are experts at avoiding what we fear and yet fear is our mind’s ability to attempt to get us to pay attention to something.
If a woman is happily married and the word “Divorce” skitters across her mind, in a state of panic she may wonder where it came from and try to “figure out” what’s wrong with her, when there really is no reason at all for her to panic.
The word “Divorce” can come up in a woman’s mind simply because she is overwhelmed, tired, being pulled in too many directions or has lost her sense of “self” and is simply looking for answers!
In my most recent book, titled DIVORCE Because Letting Go Does Not Mean Giving Up; the reviews have been enlightening because although this is not a book that encourages divorce but instead, empowers women, the word DIVORCE seems to invoke a certain fear in many women.
If a well-known celebrity or woman of influence were to start tweeting a new meaning behind the word “Divorce” and she appeared on the Oprah show and the late-night TV and radio shows and started a movement to encourage women to give themselves permission to change their definition of the word “Divorce” to become an opportunity to ask oneself, “which of my needs are not being met”, how would that change the way society views the word “Divorce”?
“Divorce” can only have the meaning you give it, if you give it the power of fear, you will feel fear, if you give it the power of peace through an opportunity to ask, “which of my needs are not being met” we could create an opportunity for more women to become empowered while bringing down the divorce rate!
When the word “Divorce” comes up in a marriage, it doesn’t have to be an either, or situation. It can merely be used as a tool that alerts a woman that her needs are not being met and if she wants this to change, she should take immediate action instead of avoiding the subject.
If the word “Divorce” skitters across your mind and you feel fear knocking, simply let faith answer the door! Not allowing fear to rule our thoughts is one of the most powerful weapons our mind possesses!
Nancy Mueller ~ Mastering Your Beliefs Sensei
Women can be quick to take the blame for something just to stop an argument, create a peaceful solution or to boost the morale of another person.
Consider this short story:
A man spent hours watching a butterfly struggling to emerge from its cocoon. It managed to make a small hole, but its body was too large to get through it. After a long struggle, it appeared to be exhausted and remained absolutely still.
The man decided to help the butterfly and, with a pair of scissors, he cut open the cocoon, thus releasing the butterfly. However, the butterfly’s body was very small and wrinkled and its wings were all crumpled.
The man continued to watch, hoping that, at any moment, the butterfly would open its wings and fly away. Nothing happened; in fact, the butterfly spent the rest of its brief life dragging around its shrunken body and shriveled wings, incapable of flight.
What the man – out of kindness and his eagerness to help – had failed to understand was that the tight cocoon and the efforts that the butterfly had to make in order to squeeze out of that tiny hole were Nature’s way of training the butterfly and of strengthening its wings.
Sometimes, a little extra effort is precisely what prepares us for the next obstacle to be faced. Anyone who refuses to make that effort, or gets the wrong sort of help, is left unprepared to fight the next battle and never manages to fly off to their destiny.
(Adapted from a story sent in by Sonaira D’Avila)
When women believe they are doing something FOR someone, it’s usually because she is convinced she’s being helpful.
When it becomes difficult for a woman to see her value through her partner's eyes, a woman will often believe she’s doing something wrong.
Whether a woman is in a relationship, getting out of a relationship or looking for a relationship, it is imperative that she understand she is already enough. When a woman allows self-degradation to be the starting point for who and what she wants to be in her life, she is sending a message to the Universe saying, “I know I am less than I should be, please help me find a way to be more than I am!”
When women give themselves permission to never allow another person to determine her value - and always begin with the understanding that "She Is Enough" she builds a solid foundation in her relationships! Imagine the number of women we could empower if we could get women everywhere to adapt the simple message of, “I Am Enough!”
Life is a perception based on what we believe to be true. If a woman believes she is not worthy, has no value, is not pretty enough, not healthy enough, not smart enough and doesn't like who she sees in her mirror; every single choice she makes will confirm her belief.
When women are ready to let go of someone else’s perception of who she believes she is, when she’s ready to live her life in a way that matters most to her, she will understand that life isn’t about becoming anything. It’s about unbecoming the limiting beliefs of who she believes she is.
Nancy Mueller ~ Mastering Your Beliefs Sensei