A woman’s F.E.A.R. (False Evidence Appearing Real) around the word “Divorce” can show up in many different ways; denial, avoidance, procrastination, struggle, failure, or judgement and these fears begin with the negative mind chatter that streams through a woman’s mind like a never-ending movie trailer.
A woman’s judgement of herself can be hars,h which often results in a type of self-punishment that can go undetected when she tries to keep specific topics off limits in her conscious thoughts.
The problem with this is that our conscious thoughts take place only while we’re awake and occupy about 12% of our mind, while our subconscious thoughts occupy 88% of our mind, whether we’re awake or asleep.
There is no getting away from subconscious thought so when a word like “Divorce” invokes a sense of fear in our mind, we may try to outrun this thought by trying to keep busy, avoiding the topic, exercising, drinking, or zoning out with mind numbing choices like medication, mindless TV, social media or fake news to reassure us that all is well within our relationship.
We are experts at avoiding what we fear and yet fear is our mind’s ability to attempt to get us to pay attention to something.
If a woman is happily married and the word “Divorce” skitters across her mind, in a state of panic she may wonder where it came from and try to “figure out” what’s wrong with her, when there really is no reason at all for her to panic.
The word “Divorce” can come up in a woman’s mind simply because she is overwhelmed, tired, being pulled in too many directions or has lost her sense of “self” and is simply looking for answers!
In my most recent book, titled DIVORCE Because Letting Go Does Not Mean Giving Up; the reviews have been enlightening because although this is not a book that encourages divorce but instead, empowers women, the word DIVORCE seems to invoke a certain fear in many women.
If a well-known celebrity or woman of influence were to start tweeting a new meaning behind the word “Divorce” and she appeared on the Oprah show and the late-night TV and radio shows and started a movement to encourage women to give themselves permission to change their definition of the word “Divorce” to become an opportunity to ask oneself, “which of my needs are not being met”, how would that change the way society views the word “Divorce”?
“Divorce” can only have the meaning you give it, if you give it the power of fear, you will feel fear, if you give it the power of peace through an opportunity to ask, “which of my needs are not being met” we could create an opportunity for more women to become empowered while bringing down the divorce rate!
When the word “Divorce” comes up in a marriage, it doesn’t have to be an either, or situation. It can merely be used as a tool that alerts a woman that her needs are not being met and if she wants this to change, she should take immediate action instead of avoiding the subject.
If the word “Divorce” skitters across your mind and you feel fear knocking, simply let faith answer the door! Not allowing fear to rule our thoughts is one of the most powerful weapons our mind possesses!
Nancy Mueller ~ Mastering Your Beliefs Sensei
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SENSEI: (sen - say) teacher; Sen means "before" and Sei means "born." The literal meaning of the Japanese word is "one who is born before"; thus, the one who is born before you is your teacher. This refers less to chronological age (some of my teachers have been young enough to be my children) than to the teacher's wisdom: In spiritual terms he or she is my elder, and thus my teacher.
My Mission: to have daily conversations that motivate, inspire and empower myself and others.