When I look back over the past 7 years of my life, I find it hard to believe that just 7 years ago, I felt like giving up.
I’m not saying I thought about ending my life, I simply wanted to cease to exist. The pain, guilt, shame and self-judgement was overwhelming and life didn’t seem worth hanging on to.
How is it possible for a woman to get to a point where she thinks so little of herself, that ceasing to exist can seem like the only answer?
Being in my line of work, I kept thinking, “I should know how to feel empowered throughout this journey. I have the tools and the knowledge, so what’s the reason for my physical, emotional and mental pain and anguish?”
I just couldn’t shake it and I was so tired of crying at the littlest things that would come up. I was tired of jumping up from my desk and running to the women’s restroom to hide in the stall while I cried my eyes out and then looking in the mirror and loathing the person who was staring back at me just as much as I loathed walking back out into the office where everyone would see that I had been crying. I felt so weak, and I hate feeling weak, it makes me feel like a victim when I feel weak.
Every single hour was a reminder that, “Divorce Hurts”
I was married for 32 years when my husband told me he wanted a divorce. I had been married longer than anything I had ever done in my life and I truly saw it as one of my biggest accomplishments. How could I keep going when my life was falling apart and everything I’d known was changing and falling apart?
The worst part was feeling discarded. Like something no longer needed gets tossed to the side and forgotten forever. I felt invisible and unnecessary, I believed I should find a way to cease to exist.
I am no quitter, of that I am quite sure. Feeling like a victim is unacceptable to me and gradually my self-judgement turned to self-preservation and while my life was falling apart and I lost everything, I found myself!
Here were the 3 Questions that kept me going:
#1: What Belief/Feeling can you let go of at this very minute?
#2: What Belief/Feeling will you let go of at this very minute?
#3: What Belief/Feeling do you need to hold onto for a while longer?
These 3 questions empowered me in a way that I could never have imagined.
Here’s a little secret, “I didn’t really find myself because who I am was inside of me the whole time. What I really found was my brilliance and my light that I had hidden for too many years in an attempt to be who others thought I should be. What I really found was the essence of me! We all have it, our true essence and once we unleash its power, there’s no stopping who we are meant to be.
Once I discovered my true essence and unleashed its power, I then…
~ Quit my corporate job to work my part time coaching business full time
~ Created a successful coaching program that I teach internationally
~ Published 3 Books
~ Became a keynote speaker
~ Started my own radio show
~ Teach and facilitate Mastering Your Beliefs workshops
~ Created my own podcast show
~ Rebuilt my life and my credit after the foreclosure of my home and loss of assets
~ Reevaluated and refined my relationships by eliminating toxic people from my life
~ Discovered who I am as a person instead of who I thought I needed to be
~ Stopped living in fear
Here's the thing, I had no plans about what I would do after my divorce. I believed my life was over and that I was doomed to end up alone, lonely and scared. My plans were to keep working my corporate job, rent a room from someone and resign myself to the fact that I was losing everything I had worked for and who I believed I was.
If you are in one of the 3 Stages of Divorce and thinking about giving up, please remember that every ending creates a new beginning. My life today is full of love and light, I can’t believe I almost gave up!
Nancy Mueller ~ Mastering Your Beliefs Sensei
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SENSEI: (sen - say) teacher; Sen means "before" and Sei means "born." The literal meaning of the Japanese word is "one who is born before"; thus, the one who is born before you is your teacher. This refers less to chronological age (some of my teachers have been young enough to be my children) than to the teacher's wisdom: In spiritual terms he or she is my elder, and thus my teacher.
My Mission: to have daily conversations that motivate, inspire and empower myself and others.