Most people think the end goal in a divorce is to end a marriage.
Although ending the marriage is one aspect of divorce, ending a marriage comes with side effects such as the impact on your financial status, current and future relationships, not to mention the mental, physical, emotional and spiritual impact that can stay with us for months or years to come.
With that in mind, the true end goal of a divorce should be to end the marriage and be able to let go of negative emotional thoughts, feelings and beliefs that can sabotage your future.
Easier said than done.
Divorce can leave a woman with an overload of emotions that leave us feeling relieved, guilty, remorseful, stressed, happy, confused, abandoned, alienated, judged, and questioning our future. Whether you were for the divorce or against it, whether you initiated the divorce or your spouse did, whether you have a strong support team or are all alone, the emotional roller coaster can seem never ending.
How then do we get off the emotional roller coaster and arrive at a point where we are able to let go of the negative beliefs that have plagued us through all 3 stages of our divorce?
We might find ourselves thinking, “I just want my life to go back to normal” but what is normal? Is it the way life was between the wedding and the divorce? If that’s normal, you would have stayed married.
Keeping this in mind, we can delve down farther into our minds to understand what it is that we truly want for our future self. The problem with this is not many women really know what they want, because they are used to thinking about what they don’t want. It’s a known fact that, “what we think about, we bring about,” so if we move into our future with thoughts of what we don’t want, we are sure to create more of what we don’t want.
Keep in mind, if our end goal in a divorce is to exit the marriage without the negative emotional side effects, it becomes imperative for a woman to get to a point where she can remember the past without having the memory reduce her to a puddle of tears and doubts.
This is possible; I know this because I once I realized I had reached that goal in my life, the tears, self-doubt and questions such as,” Who am I” and “where should I go from here” subsided until they no longer existed.
This happened when I learned the role of ego in my divorce! Once you learn that Ego is not your Amigo, and the real role ego plays in your life, you begin to discover the self-limiting beliefs that have held you back and the beliefs that cause you to hold on to feelings of guilt, remorse, stress, confusion, abandonment, being alienated, judged, and questioning your future and then, THEN, you have reached the goal in your divorce!
Nancy Mueller ~ Mastering Your Beliefs Sensei
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SENSEI: (sen - say) teacher; Sen means "before" and Sei means "born." The literal meaning of the Japanese word is "one who is born before"; thus, the one who is born before you is your teacher. This refers less to chronological age (some of my teachers have been young enough to be my children) than to the teacher's wisdom: In spiritual terms he or she is my elder, and thus my teacher.
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