The LGBT Community uses the phrase "Coming Out" or "Coming Out of the Closet" as a way of self-disclosure.
When I was going through my divorce, I was fortunate to work with a Life Coach who specializes in working with the LGBT Community; specifically people who are experiencing challenges with "coming out".
I was drawn to this particular coach because I trusted what she stands for; every person deserves to be empowered through every life choice they make. Although I was not coming out from an LGBT perspective, I was coming out from the perspective of how I had shown up in my life thus far.
After 32 years of marriage, I began to realize how I had lived my life a certain way based on the beliefs about who I thought I was. Divorce was forcing me to "come out" to a very different lifestyle. I had identified myself through the eyes of a married woman, divorce was about to change all of that. So what happens when you can no longer identify with who you believe yourself to be?
I felt like giving up.
I’m not saying I thought about ending my life, I simply wanted to cease to exist. The pain, guilt, shame and self-judgement was overwhelming and life didn’t seem worth hanging on to. I kept wondering how it was possible for me to get to a point where I could think so little of myself, that ceasing to exist seemed like the only answer.
I had so many thoughts invading my mind that staying focused for any amount of time took a great deal of effort and willpower. The thoughts ran rampant through my mind; what if..., what will I do..., what happens when..., I'm no longer..., how can I possibly..., the fear of being judged by others didn't hold a candle to the self-judgement I heaped on myself at any given moment of the day. The question that went through my mind, with more force than the surf pounding the rocks was, "how will I ever survive this?"
At the time, I had no idea how much the Universe was supporting me throughout my time of self-disclosure by guiding me to work with a "coming out" life coach. She coached me to stay true to myself, my wants, my needs and what I needed to find the most empowered pieces of myself and lean on them during times of uncertainty.
When questions arose such as, "Can I still continue to do the work I love to do? Will people think less of me? Will I lose credibility with my audience? I feel like an impostor in my own life, will others view me as an impostor? I should be better at managing this battle that's raging within me during every waking moment of my life."
As I resolved to let go of the "self-judgement" and look at the beliefs that were permeating my every thought, the real Nancy began coming out of the closet in a big way!
It was exhilarating to speak my truth, to drag all of the thoughts around my fears, hopes and dreams out of the closet and look at them for what they are. They are part of me. They all make me who I am and I have a choice to decide which thoughts I will choose to build my beliefs around.
We all have the power to choose what thoughts will enforce our beliefs; thoughts of self-judgement or thoughts of self-empowerment. Whether we choose to come out of the closet or life pulls us out kicking and screaming, we have a choice. We can choose to give up or we can choose to be loud and proud about who we are, what we do and why we're so fabulous.
You only have one life to live, so when it's your time to come out of the closet, just remember; Life Is All About Choices. You can come out of the closet kicking and screaming or you can do it with pride! Be loud and proud about who you are and what you do so while letting the world know why you're so fabulous. After all, once you're out, you put yourself in a position to bring the light out in others as you watch your light shine even brighter!
Nancy Mueller ~ Life Sensei
Who do you see when you look in the mirror?
Do you see:
The child you used to be?
A woman of strength?
A woman at peace?
Throughout our lives, we strive to "be" someone or something because we've been taught that when we "become" that woman , we'll be happy. We think we know who we are but most of us have accepted that who we are is a condition based on who we were.
As a child, you may have had a carefree life or you may have had trauma and challenges. Either way, it shaped who you grew to "be" and how you see yourself. When we want to "be" someone or something, we tend to measure our success by having to "become" who or what we want. If you can relate to this, somewhere along the way you've created a belief that something has to be "undone" before you can truly be happy and well thought of by yourself and others.
The truth is, we are ALL of the experiences of our past but have learned to compartmentalize every phase of our growth. We've been taught that we are the memories of our childhood self. We carry on beliefs, habits and family traditions because as we grow older, every aspect, choice and belief about who we "were" shapes where we believe we're going and who or what we want to be. And because of this, we are allowing who we believe we were to limit who we came here to be instead of celebrating every milestone for what it truly is, the ability to accept our greatness through our progress. We all have this ability, but not necessarily the belief.
And throughout all of this, we fear that we may never "be" who or what we want to become.
What if we learned to erase the fear? What if it's not about "becoming" anything but merely "un-becoming" our fears? What would it take for you to erase the fear of who you want to become or how you see who you used to be? The phrase, "if only I could go back and change..." is such a limiting phrase because life is meant to be lived going forward. Who you are today is not conditional on who you were yesterday and the days, months and years before today. Who you are today, and who you've been every day since your birth is God made manifest through you. Somewhere along your journey you may have forgotten this, but only fear can keep you from this truth.
So, who do you see when you look in the mirror?
If you're haunted by childhood memories that create regret, you're limiting your ability to be who you came here to be. If you're still judging yourself for choosing the wrong career, the bad investment, the divorce, the marriage, your parenting choices, and every morning you wake up wishing you could be anyone but who you are, you are choosing to live your life through fear.
The simple answer is, "the woman in your mirror" is a Spiritual Being, having a human experience as a woman in this lifetime. Everything you need or want, to have the most amazing human experience, is yours; all that is required of you is to "accept" your greatness!
When you look in the mirror, if you can only see the child who suffered at the hands of others, the woman who never quite "fit in", the mediocre student, the woman with one failed relationship after another, the woman who is in debt, the woman who is confused, anxious, searching, feeling lost or hopeless or wondering why your life is so difficult, if this is the woman you see staring back at you, you are limiting who you "ARE".
Why is it so much easier for you to see a woman born of fear instead of a woman born of love and light?
You tell yourself you have to be strong but that means you have a fear that you may be weak. You convince yourself that you need to be more but that means you have a fear that you are not enough. When will you believe that you ARE everything you were born to be? When will you stop allowing past memories, experiences and beliefs to limit who you truly are?
When will you look in the mirror and see only a Spiritual Being having a human experience as a woman in this lifetime looking back at you with a magnitude of love and light that has the ability to transcend any fear based belief that would try to convince you that you could possibly be less than who you truly are?
You came here with gifts and talents that are unique to you; the world is waiting for you to believe in who you are so everyone in it can benefit from your gifts and talents. Why do you deny your greatness? Who told you that you must limit how you share yourself with the world? Who told you that you must censor your greatness? To withhold your gifts and talents from the world is an act of great selfishness that is limiting you from going out into the world and being of great service to others.
Enjoy your pictures, enjoy your memories, but above all, never give them power over you. Never allow how you see your "past self" as a reason to limit who you came here to be.
Life Is All About Choices - choose to release your fear based beliefs and you will see only the gift that is "YOU" smiling back at you from your mirror; she's telling you that you are amazing, you are loved and you are limitless!
The only question that remains is this, "where will you go from here?"
Nancy Mueller ~ Life Sensei at www.MasteringYourBeliefs.com
Every morning as you lie in bed transitioning from sleep to wakefulness, you have the ability to choose your thoughts for the day. Whatever thoughts you choose, will determine how you'll spend your day.
Given the choice, most people would tell you they prefer to choose thoughts that will bring them feelings of gratitude, happiness, joy, creativity, wealth, mindfulness, love, fun, being healthy and a sense of belonging.
Most people would tell you they would never consciously choose a thought that will bring them shame, excuses, anger, doubt, guilt, judgment, or fear.
If we're able to choose the thoughts we think, why are so many people unhappy when they start their day? Why do they dread going to work? Why do they wake up only to wish they could fall back to sleep and sleep the day away? The answer is simple; it's about the thoughts you think as you're falling asleep!
What if you went to sleep the night before with something that was weighing you down in mind, body or spirit? Perhaps you were listening to a newscaster spreading fear based information or reading something that was unsettling to you. Perhaps you laid in bed doubting your gifts, talents and abilities or judging yourself based on how you perceive who you are or what you're capable of. The subconscious mind is working 24/7, whether you're awake or asleep and has the ability to absorb unsettling information while you sleep.
Now imagine you wake up, it's a brand new day with new opportunities but the thoughts you choose are based on the information your subconscious mind has been working on while you slept. When you wake up, the thoughts that were running through your mind all night will determine how you feel when you wake up (you'll either feel positive and looking forward to your day or you'll wake with feelings of dread and look for reasons to avoid your day), and every single one of your thoughts is associated with a feeling; either positive or negative.
Make no mistake, your feelings are running your life.
If you're allowing negative thoughts, feelings and emotions to create your beliefs, how can you possibly believe you deserve to choose opportunities that will bring you feelings of gratitude, happiness, joy, creativity, wealth, mindfulness, love, fun, being healthy and a sense of belonging?
How you face your day is a choice; you simply need to understand how your mind formulates the beliefs that determine what your choices will be! What price have you been paying for your negative thoughts? Have you found yourself locked behind thoughts of shame, excuses, anger, doubt, guilt, judgment, or fear without a clear understanding of how to get out?
Pay close attention to your self-talk (that little voice inside your head that starts talking to you during moments of doubt or uncertainty) because your self-talk can whisk you away to thoughts of negativity faster than a virus spreading through your computer!
Every person has the key to unlock the thoughts of uncertainty within their mind. When you master your beliefs, you're discovering the beliefs behind your current mindset (perceived problem), the feelings and emotions attached to that belief(s) and how you can transmute your current belief(s) to raise your vibrational energy, giving you the power to make choices from a mindset of "what is possible" rather than a mindset based on past experiences (yours or others).
Whatever thoughts you may be facing in your life, you alone hold the power to choose which thoughts you will feed, and which thoughts deserve to be eliminated; this gives you the power over how you'll spend your day! The choice is yours ~ when you want to experience feelings of gratitude, happiness, joy, creativity, wealth, mindfulness, love, fun, being healthy and a sense of belonging more than you believe you deserve to experience shame, excuses, anger, doubt, guilt, judgment, or fear; I invite you to be more mindful of your self-talk and the thoughts it's planting in your mind!
Nancy Mueller ~ Empowerment Sensei