The LGBT Community uses the phrase "Coming Out" or "Coming Out of the Closet" as a way of self-disclosure.
When I was going through my divorce, I was fortunate to work with a Life Coach who specializes in working with the LGBT Community; specifically people who are experiencing challenges with "coming out".
I was drawn to this particular coach because I trusted what she stands for; every person deserves to be empowered through every life choice they make. Although I was not coming out from an LGBT perspective, I was coming out from the perspective of how I had shown up in my life thus far.
After 32 years of marriage, I began to realize how I had lived my life a certain way based on the beliefs about who I thought I was. Divorce was forcing me to "come out" to a very different lifestyle. I had identified myself through the eyes of a married woman, divorce was about to change all of that. So what happens when you can no longer identify with who you believe yourself to be?
I felt like giving up.
I’m not saying I thought about ending my life, I simply wanted to cease to exist. The pain, guilt, shame and self-judgement was overwhelming and life didn’t seem worth hanging on to. I kept wondering how it was possible for me to get to a point where I could think so little of myself, that ceasing to exist seemed like the only answer.
I had so many thoughts invading my mind that staying focused for any amount of time took a great deal of effort and willpower. The thoughts ran rampant through my mind; what if..., what will I do..., what happens when..., I'm no longer..., how can I possibly..., the fear of being judged by others didn't hold a candle to the self-judgement I heaped on myself at any given moment of the day. The question that went through my mind, with more force than the surf pounding the rocks was, "how will I ever survive this?"
At the time, I had no idea how much the Universe was supporting me throughout my time of self-disclosure by guiding me to work with a "coming out" life coach. She coached me to stay true to myself, my wants, my needs and what I needed to find the most empowered pieces of myself and lean on them during times of uncertainty.
When questions arose such as, "Can I still continue to do the work I love to do? Will people think less of me? Will I lose credibility with my audience? I feel like an impostor in my own life, will others view me as an impostor? I should be better at managing this battle that's raging within me during every waking moment of my life."
As I resolved to let go of the "self-judgement" and look at the beliefs that were permeating my every thought, the real Nancy began coming out of the closet in a big way!
It was exhilarating to speak my truth, to drag all of the thoughts around my fears, hopes and dreams out of the closet and look at them for what they are. They are part of me. They all make me who I am and I have a choice to decide which thoughts I will choose to build my beliefs around.
We all have the power to choose what thoughts will enforce our beliefs; thoughts of self-judgement or thoughts of self-empowerment. Whether we choose to come out of the closet or life pulls us out kicking and screaming, we have a choice. We can choose to give up or we can choose to be loud and proud about who we are, what we do and why we're so fabulous.
You only have one life to live, so when it's your time to come out of the closet, just remember; Life Is All About Choices. You can come out of the closet kicking and screaming or you can do it with pride! Be loud and proud about who you are and what you do so while letting the world know why you're so fabulous. After all, once you're out, you put yourself in a position to bring the light out in others as you watch your light shine even brighter!
Nancy Mueller ~ Life Sensei
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SENSEI: (sen - say) teacher; Sen means "before" and Sei means "born." The literal meaning of the Japanese word is "one who is born before"; thus, the one who is born before you is your teacher. This refers less to chronological age (some of my teachers have been young enough to be my children) than to the teacher's wisdom: In spiritual terms he or she is my elder, and thus my teacher.
My Mission: to have daily conversations that motivate, inspire and empower myself and others.