It's understandable that children become easy prey when they are victimized by adults. But what happens when adults are victimized by other adults?
When I was 23 years old, I was at the doctor's office for a routine visit. During this visit, I was alone in the room with the doctor. He had me sit up while he looked into my eyes, ran his hands along my jaw feeling for any abnormalities in my throat. He then untied my gown and continued to run his hands down my shoulders and chest until he was holding my breasts in each hand while complimenting me on the perfect shape of each breast. As he held my breasts in his hands, he said one of my breasts seemed to be slightly lower than the other and continued to look from one to the other making comments and assuring me that I was perfect. After a few minutes of concentrating on each breast individually, he took his hands away and said I could cover up.
By this stage of my life I had been through two miscarriages and two cesarian section births so doctor exams were quite familiar to me. As I walked to my car, I kept asking myself what had just happened. Every prior breast exam I'd ever had took place with me lying on my back and putting one hand behind my head during the exam. Never had I been asked to be in a seated position during a breast exam.
Was my discomfort all in my mind? Was this something new? Why did I feel so uncomfortable? I shared my experience with a friend; she told me I was imagining things. I told my husband; he told me it was in my head and not every man was a sexual predator like my father.
So I stopped asking other people and kept quiet as I came to the conclusion that I should just stop thinking about it. Very soon after that visit, I received a notice from my doctor's office telling me that my doctor had been transferred to another state and I would need to choose a new doctor.
This led to more questions; had he done something similar to other women? Should I have said something to the nurses in the office? Did my silence keep him in a position to do the same to another patient and if he did, what if she wasn't as strong as me and it was worse for her than it was for me?
I started thinking about the teacher who had propositioned me, the jobs I quit because the boss was giving me too much attention and all the times I hadn't said a word because I doubted my right to say, "what you did is wrong and you don't have the right to use your authority over me in this way."
We remain silent for so many reasons; we're afraid to lose our job so we barter our right to say "no" with our need to have an income. We're afraid to create problems within the family so we do our best to stay out of harm's way during family gatherings. We don't want to be the cause of ruining someone's life so we remain silent. We don't speak up for fear of being labeled a troublemaker, a liar or a woman with loose morals.
We make the choice to remain silent because we fear the unknown or that we won't be believed but what we're really afraid of is diminishing our value by letting others know what happened. Many of us don't realize that we are the only person who has the power to diminish our value.
The only way we are going to take the power away from these silent predators is by increasing our value of "SELF" (self-esteem, self-love, self-confidence, self-image, self-worth). As we expand our value of who we are, we break the silence that has gone on for too long. Every woman deserves to be heard, valued and seen for who she is but this can't happen until she can see it for herself.
The only power a person has over us is the power we give them. When we stop asking questions such as "why me" we give ourselves the opportunity to shift from a victim mindset to a mindset of power and prosperity.
It's not what happens to you that matters, it's what you do with what happens. Believe in who you are, believe in your value, believe in your Divine right to stop suffering in silence and start living your life through harmony, healing and happiness.
Trust what you're feeling, speak up and remind yourself that if you're living in fear, it's because you have a belief about something that may or may not happen in the future. When you master your belief in the present you are using your inner strength to create your future.
If you're still being triggered by the memory of a silent predator in your life, I want you to know that it is possible to let go of the painful emotions associated with your experience. The first step to doing this is to teach your brain to reach for a more positive thought than the thoughts you're currently thinking. If you'd like some help with this, download your free guide to Turning Your Negatives Into Positives In 4 Easy Steps.
This is how you witness the true inner-powerful you possess to stop being triggered by negative emotions associated with painful experiences.
Nancy Mueller ~ Life Sensei
Nancy Mueller ~ Life Sensei