Strength Yielding To Strength

Does the squeaky wheel REALLY get the grease or does it get replaced?

As I journey through life, I find myself thinking of the desires of my younger self: feeling safe, feeling heard, having an equal voice, having the only say about my body, being a loving mother, earning my own money, parenting with love, unapologetically putting my children first, being encouraged to pursue my hidden talents and gender equality.

These desires were born from my childhood experiences of mental, verbal, and physical abuse that escalated to sexual abuse by the age of 12. 

As an adult, I was looking for a way to speak up and stay safe instead of going along to get along!

When I decided that going along to get along, no longer worked for me, I started searching for a way to find my own inner strength.  My search led me to martial arts because I believed my strength could only be found in my ability to physically protect myself.

As I became a student, competitor and teacher in the martial arts and I read Gavin De Becker's book, The Gift of Fear... 

​'At core, men are afraid women will laugh at them, while at core, women are afraid men will kill them.' ~ Gavin De Becker

The weight of this quote landed heavily on me at the time because I couldn't help but dwell on, what seemed to me, the unfairness of this statement.  Certainly the fear of death is much worse than the fear of being laughed at. 

​This did not seem like a way for men and women to honor the strength that each of us possess.  As I continued searching for my own method of feeling safe, I couldn't help but feel the unfair advantage men seemed to have over women.

Martial Arts taught me that the strongest weapon any of us possess is our mind.  Everything begins in the mind; the mind can convince us of our strength or convince us of our weakness.  It's our inner strength that allows us to be heard, seen and valued.

And now, many years later, with the overturning of Roe v Wade, and the overturned verdict of Harvey Weinstein, I find myself wondering if women will once again be put in a position to prove who we are as women!

Energetically, we have expanded into a much higher realm of possibilities for humankind and to put any negative energy towards what we "don't" want to happen would surely be a giant step backwards!

Now, more than ever, is the time for women to come together in solidarity and instead of making our future about gender equality, let's first seek to understand.

We are all part of the whole, we are all one.  Each of us is the source of something for another and they are the source for us.  If you need anger, someone will be the source of that anger for you.  But when someone else needs anger, you can only be their source if you're choosing that emotional pattern.

Let each of us take responsibility for our own inner healing and together we can create a world where decisions will be based on the most qualified. We can create a world where we honor each other's strengths instead of looking for a weakness to exploit. 

Let each of us take responsibility for making the other feel safe; we, each of us, can be the source of peace for each other when we stop being afraid to let go of "the way it's always been done" and work together to find a way it can be.

​It can be possible for men to stop fearing women and women to stop fearing men when we work together to truly hear what each of us is asking for.  It can be possible for anyone to speak up and feel safe no matter what they're asking for.

Ladies, we have nothing to prove!  It's time to make yourself heard, even if your voice shakes.  But more importantly, when we're making ourselves heard, we must remember that being heard should never be at the expense of drowning out the voice of another.

When we allow every relationship to be about strength yielding to strength instead of one person believing themself to be stronger than the other, we can all stand in solidarity and create a more inclusive future for generations to come!