Be mindful of your thoughts and words, they are creating your reality!
When you stop to think about this, it's probably the most exciting information you will ever learn because as you learn to master your thoughts and words, you will change your life!
How many times have you thought or said:
* I can't afford to...
* I hate my job
* No one understands me
* I'm so stressed out
* Life is so hard
* My mother/father/ex-husband/boss/children makes my life miserable
* My life is so hectic
* If only my life could be different
* It's all my fault
* I have no friends
* How will I ever...
* Divorce is wrong
* I'll never forgive myself
* Every thought you think and every word you speak has a vibration.
If you often feel guilty, ashamed, depressed, lonely, misunderstood, victimized, traumatized, fearful, overwhelmed, difficulty focusing, unorganized, you are arguing for your limitations instead of seeing your possibilities.
You have the power to stop living your life by default and start consciously creating the life you want to live.
Nancy Mueller ~ Life Sensei
Do you know what love FEELS like?
You have to know what love feels like if you're going to receive it. Love always starts with YOU and it's something you practice every day.
You love yourself by:
Don't just write them down, focus on what it FEELS like to give these to yourself and celebrate what you create from them EVERY - SINGLE - DAY!
Loving YOU will give you all you need to prosper mentally, financially, physically and spiritually - all you need to do is believe you deserve it!
Nancy Mueller ~ Life Sensei
I recently had a woman tell me that she finds my messages hard to take. She said when she reads something I post about my childhood, she can't comprehend going through such a life and it makes her feel uncomfortable.
As we talked about it, she realized she was using my stories to rationalize her childhood. During our conversation she said things such as, "I thought it was awful to have to live with XXX until I read one of your posts and then I realized my life wasn't so bad."
I reminded her that trauma is trauma, there is no trauma that is better or worse than what someone else experienced as their trauma. Feeling guilty about wanting to express sadness, guilt, fear, anger, blame or shame only means you are holding those negative emotions inside you. Allowing yourself to express what you're thinking and be honest with how you're really feeling about it will set you free.
I explained to her that because I've learned to do the inner work and have healed from the negative experiences of my past, I am now able to use my experiences as teachable moments without the emotional triggers. I am able to show proof that we don't have to carry the experiences of the past around with us. If we do, it only keeps us from enjoying who we are. I would not be able to teach what I teach if I hadn't had the experiences I did and learned to heal from them.
We all have the choice to continue feeling like a victim and blaming others for who we've become or to choose to let go of victim beliefs and live in our power.
We are all more powerful than we know, we all have the ability to see ourselves as the gifted and talented person we are. The ONLY reason we can't see our gifts and our talents is because we're holding onto a belief that is keeping us from knowing who we are.
My mother once said to me that she and I used to clash when I got to a certain age. I suggested she look at that memory with a different perspective. We didn't clash, I simply got to a point where I no longer believed I was the person she kept telling me I was. When I was no longer willing to believe I was worthless and would always be worthless, what she describes as us clashing is actually her inability to understand why I no longer saw my value the way she saw my value.
If you are having difficulty allowing yourself the honesty of what you're feeling because you've been taught to keep it to yourself, I encourage you to give yourself the gift of loving who you are.
Everything you're keeping bottled up inside of you is building momentum. The question you have to ask yourself is, "do you want that momentum to explode in happiness or more sorrow?
We all have free will, you can choose to suffer in silence or you can choose to free your mind. #LifeIsAllAboutChoices
There has never been a better time for people to do the inner work we all came here to do and experience the love of who we are!
Nancy Mueller ~ Life Sensei
Where do women learn to be disempowered and when does it start? Is it something we're taught? Is it something we intuit? Is it something cultural?
When a woman is not having her needs met, what could possibly be the reason she chooses to put the needs of someone else before her own needs?
This isn't a post about the pro's and con's of faking an orgasm, it's a question to ask why a woman would make the choice to deny herself any of life's pleasures.
When a women is not having her needs met, at what point did she draw the line and what is the tipping point or incentive to move the line?
When women are unwilling or unable to ask for what they want, when their needs are not being met, they are not showing up as their authentic self.
When a woman has lived her life one way for any length of time, how does she go about moving the line? How does she begin letting others know what she will no longer tolerate?
The answer is simple; she begins with the person in the mirror.
Start by asking the question, "what do I want" followed by, "why haven't I allowed myself to have that?" This is where you have to be honest with yourself instead of blaming someone else for where you are.
Living authentically starts from within, you have to know what you want and then decide if it's important enough to have it.
Ask yourself when and why you first thought it would be best to remain silent. What have you endured for weeks, months or years that is expanding your feelings of denial or low self-worth?
Showing up as your authentic self starts with getting to know who you are and what you're no longer willing to accept. What limiting belief caused you to make the choice you made that has gotten you to where you are?
What are you missing out on that you are yearning to experience? What have you been holding back that is now ready to burst forth because you can no longer tolerate not having it?
What is the desire, deep within you that you can no longer ignore? Where are you hiding? What are you not saying because you're trying to keep the peace or protect someone's feelings?
Whatever you're ignoring, if you're thinking about it, if you're focused on it and you're giving your attention to the feeling of not having it, this feeling of lack is expanding within you.
Look at your relationships, your finances, your health, your career, your emotional and spiritual well-being; where is lack showing up for you?
Being in a state of lack is a negative vibration and wherever you've been allowing yourself to be disempowered, you can be sure that feeling of lack is going somewhere; it has to, it's energy.
We live in a Universe where there is contrast to everything; light/dark, up/down, happy/sad, lack/abundance. Everything is energy and you're either expanding or contracting your desires. Whatever you're focusing on, whatever you're feeling creates a vibration and this vibration is attracting your experiences.
What experiences are you denying yourself and how much longer are you going to keep yourself from the pleasure of having it?
Everything you want starts with YOU; joy, happiness, orgasms, abundance, prosperity, laughter, fun, enjoyment and love of life starts with you.
What are you waiting for?
Nancy Mueller ~ Life Sensei
I just had an insightful conversation with a client who was able to shift her perspective about the strength of a woman.
She made the comment that some cultures teach women to be strong so they can handle anything in life that comes along but what it actually does is teach them they have to be the one that thinks for others and holds everything together and it's exhausting.
I asked her to get very clear on her definition of "strong"
There is physical strength and there is mental strength. Your mind is your most powerful ability because it's how you create your experiences.
If your definition of "being strong" means you must be able to handle anything in life that comes along, think for others and hold everything together; then you are setting yourself up for exhaustion.
Strength is about knowing who you are and what you're willing to allow or not allow. When you shift your belief about your definition of "strong" you create an opportunity for yourself that didn't exist before.
When strength is seen as a requirement to think for others and hold everything together, you will work yourself to exhaustion because the work is never ending.
When strength is seen as the ability to delegate so that what needs done is divided up between the people who are best equipped or knowledgeable about the task, you're actually giving others the opportunity to do something they enjoy!
Choosing not to put the needs and wants of others before your own, does not make you weak nor does it mean you're not fulfilling your responsibilities as a woman!
Knowing you have the ability to choose makes you strong!
Nancy Mueller ~ Life Sensei
The Story of “The Ham”
Years ago, I read a story about a young girl who was in the kitchen, watching her mother prepare the ham for their family dinner. When it was time to place the ham in the baking pan, her mother cut the exact amount off of each end of the ham, and then placed it in the pan.
Wondering why the recipe called for the ends of the ham to be cut off before baking, the young girl asked her mother about it, “why do you cut the ends off of the ham before baking it?” The mother replied, “I’m not sure, but that’s the way my mother always did it so that’s the way I’ve always done it!”
The daughter thought for a minute and said, “I’m going to call grandma and ask her.”
The daughter called her grandmother and asked about the importance for cutting the ends off of the ham before baking.
The grandmother replied, “I’ve always done it that way because my pan was too small for a whole ham.”
Just like this family tradition of cutting the ends off the ham before putting it in the pan, family traditions are handed down generation after generation. These “family traditions” become beliefs (something we automatically do without questioning why).
This may not seem like such a big deal when you’re talking about preparing a family meal but what about the beliefs we’ve created around relationships, health, money, college, career, etiquette, social hierarchy, divorce, marriage, religion, race or gender bias, politics, music, health care, the government, child rearing…?
As children, we’re taught right from wrong based on what another person views as right or wrong, good or bad, acceptable or unacceptable.
When every choice is made, based on a belief (something we automatically do without questioning why) is it any wonder why there are millions of adults asking themselves the same question: “why do I keep doing this to myself?”
Our stories give us the power to achieve our success goals but they also have the power to convince us of why we don’t deserve to have something we say we want. Everything we have or don’t have is based on a belief (ours or the people who taught them to us).
What is the holiday tradition you've created a story around that creates feeling of obligations, resentment, guilt, and the reason you're choosing to allow someone else to determine how you will spend your time?
Holidays can be associated with beliefs about obligations and traditions that no longer serve you and only you can decide when it's time to go beyond your story about why the things that no longer serve you must continue to be followed.
If you don't enjoy being around certain people, if the demands of others conflict with your own happiness or way of living or even if you want to create new traditions in your life, remember this...
"No" is a complete sentence.
Learn to put your wants and needs before the wants and needs of others. When you are happy and fulfilled, you will attract more of the same in every choice you make.
Choose to live your best life!
Sensei Nancy Mueller
From a very early age, my belief about what it means to forgive had been taught to me based on the religious dogma I was raised with.
I can only speak for myself when I say I was taught that forgiveness means thinking about another person who has wronged you and finding a way to be OK with what they did.
I now have a more enlightened understanding of what forgiveness means; an expanded knowledge of what it means to forgive.
Forgiveness isn't about finding a way to make it OK for whatever the person chose to inflict on you, forgiveness is about allowing yourself to let go of the negative feelings and emotions that are keeping you mired in the negativity as well as continually being triggered by the feelings and emotions each time you think about the experience.
I recently posted on social media about the death of my father. Here is that post:
My Father Died Today
I have no tears, no sadness, no feelings of loss but neither do I feel relief. As I sit here and ask myself what I’m feeling, the only answer that feels genuine is “completion”.
Every ending creates a new beginning, so what happens next?
If I were to stand up and talk about who my father was and how I will remember him, what would I say to explain my feelings of completion?
The man who was my father was known for many things; son, brother, uncle, father, husband, ex-husband, stepfather and grandfather.
Our family knew him as angry, unapologetic, violent, tormentor, sadistic, abusive, sexual predator, pedophile, sex addict, sadist.
His unapologetic lifestyle choices has left hidden scars that each of us has dealt with in our own way.
Scars that have torn a family apart out of anger, shame, denial, self-doubt, self-loathing, revulsion, choosing sides, blame and judgment; towards each other as well as ourselves.
My younger self tried, I tried to be the protector, but I was too young, too small, too weak, and too afraid.
And then I got older, and I stopped being afraid. I stopped being afraid of the threats, the fear of retribution and what others would say when they found out. I stopped putting the wants and needs of others before my own.
I started to speak up, I started to share my story, and I realized by sharing my story I was gradually shifting from victim to victor.
I quickly learned that sharing my story meant there are going to be people who are empowered by my story, enraged by my story, and even disbelieve my story.
The disbelievers became angry and judgmental which left me with two choices; I could once more choose to remain silent or I could choose to stand in my power.
But how does a person stand in their power against the disbelievers, or the angry and judgmental people?
How do you stand in your power and stand up for yourself when those around you are telling you you’re wrong to be talking about something they don’t want to hear about?
In my experience, the best way to stand in your power is to understand that the people who are judging you, the people who are angry with you, and the people who disbelieve your story are the people who realize your story makes them uncomfortable because it hits too close to home for them to hear.
To accept what I’m saying would mean they would have to take a look at their own choices. They would have to ask themselves if there were signs that they saw but ignored either out of social diplomacy or ignorance.
There is nothing left unsaid, there is nothing left undone, and that is why what I am feeling today, more than anything, is completion.
Being treated better started with me. I had to learn to stop the self-loathing and self-judging and learn to be self-loving. Forgiveness started with me forgiving myself for not seeing my value.
For me, forgiveness of "self" led to completion.
Nancy Mueller ~ Life Sensei
It's been two years but I remember it like it was yesterday; I met a woman named Debbie at a virtual networking event. I live in southern California and she lives in the UK so we made arrangements to meet for "virtual tea" to get to know each other.
During our conversation, I shared about my work and my books and happened to mention that my great-granddaughter's nursery was decorated with elephants and I was looking for information to create a plaque for her room.
I saw Debbie's eyes light up when she told me she is originally Africa and proceeded to educate me about elephants and gave me exactly what I was looking for to give my great-granddaughter the perfect gift.
Of course, neither Debbie nor could have foreseen what the Universe was putting into motion with that conversation over "virtual tea" and elephants!
I learned about her company and her passion for supporting entrepreneurs as a virtual assistant and website builder. Debbie purchased one of my books and booked many more video sessions with me to discuss mindset work and what she was learning from my my work.
Not long after Debbie began applying the mindset work I teach, she was diagnosed with ovarian cancer.
I followed Debbie's cancer journey and when she was on the other side of her journey, Debbie scheduled a time to talk with me on a video call. I can't begin to tell you how much I cried during that call when Debbie told me that she credits being able to hold a positive outcome to her cancer because of my work and how it supported her through every step of her cancer journey. She told me that before she met me, she hadn't known how her mindset can work miracles!
I'm happy to report that Debbie is now cancer-free and returned to work exactly when I was ready to have my website updated. I ask you, who could be better to represent my work through my website than someone who practices what I teach!
We never know the reason someone is being placed in our path but when you have complete faith that what you need will be there when you need it most, it will happen. Embracing my work supported Debbie on her cancer journey and when she returned to work, Debbie's work supported me and the message I share.
When Debbie unveiled my new website to me, I cried for twenty minutes straight because the depth of her understanding for who I am and what I teach shows in every page. I could never have asked for a more perfect person to help me share my message and I am so grateful for her passion and commitment to her work.
And that's how elephants helped drive traffic to my website because during the course of our conversation, what started out as two women getting to know each other over a conversation about elephants was just the beginning.
When the student is ready, the teacher will appear!
Nancy Mueller ~ Life Sensei
A woman called me the other day with this question: "I am preparing to divorce my husband. For financial reasons we are still living in the same house but lately his narcissism has escalated and I fear he is going to get violent. Would you recommend I take a self-defense class?"
If you find yourself asking a similar question, my answer may be helpful when making your decision.
As a student, competitor and teacher of the Martial Arts, in 1998 I began teaching self-defense to women.
This was an exciting time for me because it's how my Mastering Your Beliefs program got its start. As a Martial Artist, I was learning the physical as well as the mental aspect of Martial Arts. The more I understood why our mind is our most powerful weapon; I wanted to share how empowering this can be with other women. When you understand how to use your chi (energy) as both offense and defense, you create synergy between you and your opponent. But if you learn the physical without the mental (mindset), you will often find yourself in a mindset of victim mode (wanting to right the wrongs you believe were done to you) or the anticipation of a physical altercation.
I've been there, I know what it's like to feel so powerless because another person chooses to victimize you. I also know what it's like to be in the very same situation as the woman who called me looking for advice. The most powerful weapon you possess, is your mind. If you want to take self-defense classes, it's important to know "Your Why".
Are you in a situation where you fear for your life? (If you fear for your life, CLICK HERE for professional resources.) Are you in a situation where things aren't too bad at the moment but you fear the situation will escalate? Most women I talk with want to learn self-defense "just in case" - but they don't stop to think about what "just in case" really means to them.
When you "Master" something, it means you've learned to make it part of your daily habit and have done the necessary work to be able to draw on it whenever you require support and guidance. As a Martial Artist, we train for hours, days, months and years to be able to act instead of react so our mind instinctively knows what to do. Much like driving a car, there are many steps involved but it all happens without you having to think about it. You can't take a class or spend a few hours a week and expect to master the art of self-defense.
I have experienced how domestic violence can escalate very quickly when the situation becomes physical but the best way to win any fight is not to be there. Remember, everything is energy. The people and experiences you attract into your life are teaching you what you want more of and what you want less of. You are attracting your experiences based on how you feel (energy).
Everything is energy and every one of your thoughts are associated with a feeling (energy). Why are you attracting the energy of being in your current situation? Your definition of fault, attracting, and responsibility for your actions can be confusing if you are unaware of the law of attraction (energy).
Based on the mental, verbal and physical abuse that escalated to sexual abuse by the time I was 12 years old, as an adult, I was still carrying the energy of those experiences. It felt "normal" to me to be afraid of people and situations where I could easily be victimized. This fear included feelings of being a victim, blame, shame, guilt, degradation and low self-worth.
My child-self had created a belief about who I am and what I could do, be or have based on my childhood experiences. When my adult-self was still making choices based on childhood beliefs, my feelings (energy) were vibrating at a level that was attracting more reasons to be a victim. Being raised with violence, I believed violence was the answer to stop feeling like a victim.
When I learned that our feelings are our internal GPS, and are guiding us through every choice we make, I finally understood why I kept attracting the people and experiences I did not want. If your beliefs are based on negative feelings, you will attract negative people and experiences into your life.
You can take the long path to understand how to keep yourself safe, like I did by learning to fight, or you can take the easy path and learn how to master the beliefs that are creating your thoughts, feelings and emotions about your current situations or experiences.
Every feeling is associated with a belief - what do you believe about why you need to learn to defend yourself? Do you believe you're weak, vulnerable, easy prey, or have no choice about your current situation? Do you believe that lack (lack of funds, lack of knowledge, lack of having what you deserve) is keeping you from living the life you want?
You do have the power to remove yourself from any unwanted situation or experience but first you need to know "your why". Why do you believe you are where you are and why do you believe there is only one choice?
Every choice we make is based on one of two choices - you choose from fear or you choose from faith. Faith based choices are made from your highest levels of "SELF" (self-love, self-esteem, self-confidence, self-image, self-worth).
You have an inner strength that is powerful beyond measure. Learn to pay attention to your "why" because "your why" is what you believe you are, or are not, capable of. As you get better and better at identifying your beliefs, you create the opportunity to master any belief that feels like fear.
I believe that every person has the power to step out of negative, unwanted situations. Do you?
Nancy Mueller ~ Life Sensei
What does it take to be truly happy?
Are we born happy or when we're born, are we taught what it means to be happy?
These are the questions I pondered in my own search for happiness and I've come to understand that we are all born happy. It wasn't until someone took it upon themselves to teach us what happiness means that we even knew we had a choice to be unhappy!
If happiness is a choice, why would anyone choose to be unhappy? The answer is; we choose to be unhappy because someone taught us that true happiness can only be found from an external source.
As children, we're not taught the meaning of happiness in specific words; we can sense the feelings and emotions from others. We knew when our parents or caregivers were feeling happy and that feeling of happiness created a sense of security and well being in our world. But just as we were able to sense feelings of happiness, we also sensed the feelings of unhappiness.
The true nature of who we are yearns for the happiness we were born with so we learn, at a very early age, to navigate the emotional ups and downs of those around us and at some point, we created a belief that this is what it takes to be happy.
As you got older, you held onto your beliefs and continue the practice of navigating the emotional ups and downs of others to get what you want. This practice takes on many forms such as putting yourself last while you make sure the needs of others are met before your own. You've created a belief that the only way to be happy is by making others happy.
The flaw in this belief is understanding that no one has power over another person.
The only power you possess are the thoughts you think and the choices you make. If you choose to continually put the needs of someone else over your own needs, and that person is having a bad day, week, month, year or several years, you are literally putting our life on hold until someone else chooses to be happy. You believe you're being loving and supportive only because you've been conditioned from a very early age that your happiness is dependent upon the happiness of others.
But, it isn't!
Happiness is an inside job; it's about learning who you are, your value and how you can be true to yourself. It's about putting your needs and wants ahead of everything and everyone else so your cup is full. Happiness is an emotion, something you feel inside that lights you up. This can only happen when you are loving who you are!
The first step to being happy, is to understand what happiness means to you. Is your definition of happiness the innate happiness you were born with or what someone taught you? Is your definition of happiness conditional (meaning you have to do or have something before you can experience being happy).
The second step is to WANT to be happy. This may sound easy but when you've had years of choosing to be unhappy, it shows that you've created a belief that being unhappy is part of life. It doesn't occur to you that being unhappy is actually a choice!
The third step is to get very clear about what you believe is causing you to be unhappy as well as what you believe will bring you happiness. Make a list and once you've finished, look over your list and cross out everything that is conditional. Examples of conditional happiness are: someone else has to do or say something before you can allow yourself to be happy, a purchase (either large or small), changing something about the way you look, a bigger bank account, leaving your significant other, finding the perfect romance, travel, changing your job or location and anything that requires that you receive something before choose to be happy. Once you've done this, you'll be left with the things you can easily see are within your grasp this very moment.
The good news is, when you choose happiness as your way of being, you also create a feeling of abundance and prosperity that's so powerful, you can't help but attract experiences of abundance and prosperity.
Once you've identified where you are in these three steps, if you really want to be happy, you'll move heaven and earth to make it happen. You'll find yourself smiling more, you'll stop blaming other people, experiences or conditions as a reason to be unhappy.
What are your limiting beliefs? Which of your beliefs are causing you to choose to be unhappy? Only you can decide when you're ready to master your beliefs and free your mind to embrace the happiness you were born with. Who taught you the definition of happiness? Is that person still around? Do you see evidence of happiness in everything that person says or does? If not, why would you choose to follow their example of what it means to be happy?
Happiness comes from inspired thought, not from action taken. The more inspired your thoughts are, the happier your choices will be.
Being unhappy is not real, it's a manifestation based on your belief about what you deserve. Being happy is not only something you deserve, it's an innate gift you were born with.
Remind yourself that life is all about choices; you can choose to be happy just as you can choose to be unhappy. If you are unhappy more than you're happy, you've merely created a habit of being unhappy based on your beliefs.
When you're ready, make the decision to be happy. Smile more, judge less (yourself and others), sing like no one is listening, dance like no one is watching, laugh more, be grateful, and be open to letting go of the people and experiences that try to rob you of feeling happy.
Have fun discovering your own definition of happiness and stop allowing what others think or say about you. When others can't see your value it's usually because they're shielding their eyes from the light that is shining so brightly within you.
Nancy Mueller ~ Life Sensei
Nancy Mueller ~ Life Sensei