It's been two years but I remember it like it was yesterday; I met a woman named Debbie at a virtual networking event. I live in southern California and she lives in the UK so we made arrangements to meet for "virtual tea" to get to know each other.
During our conversation, I shared about my work and my books and happened to mention that my great-granddaughter's nursery was decorated with elephants and I was looking for information to create a plaque for her room.
I saw Debbie's eyes light up when she told me she is originally Africa and proceeded to educate me about elephants and gave me exactly what I was looking for to give my great-granddaughter the perfect gift.
Of course, neither Debbie nor could have foreseen what the Universe was putting into motion with that conversation over "virtual tea" and elephants!
I learned about her company and her passion for supporting entrepreneurs as a virtual assistant and website builder. Debbie purchased one of my books and booked many more video sessions with me to discuss mindset work and what she was learning from my my work.
Not long after Debbie began applying the mindset work I teach, she was diagnosed with ovarian cancer.
I followed Debbie's cancer journey and when she was on the other side of her journey, Debbie scheduled a time to talk with me on a video call. I can't begin to tell you how much I cried during that call when Debbie told me that she credits being able to hold a positive outcome to her cancer because of my work and how it supported her through every step of her cancer journey. She told me that before she met me, she hadn't known how her mindset can work miracles!
I'm happy to report that Debbie is now cancer-free and returned to work exactly when I was ready to have my website updated. I ask you, who could be better to represent my work through my website than someone who practices what I teach!
We never know the reason someone is being placed in our path but when you have complete faith that what you need will be there when you need it most, it will happen. Embracing my work supported Debbie on her cancer journey and when she returned to work, Debbie's work supported me and the message I share.
When Debbie unveiled my new website to me, I cried for twenty minutes straight because the depth of her understanding for who I am and what I teach shows in every page. I could never have asked for a more perfect person to help me share my message and I am so grateful for her passion and commitment to her work.
And that's how elephants helped drive traffic to my website because during the course of our conversation, what started out as two women getting to know each other over a conversation about elephants was just the beginning.
When the student is ready, the teacher will appear!
Nancy Mueller ~ Life Sensei
Should You Learn Self-Defense
A woman called me the other day with this question: "I am preparing to divorce my husband. For financial reasons we are still living in the same house but lately his narcissism has escalated and I fear he is going to get violent. Would you recommend I take a self-defense class?"
If you find yourself asking a similar question, my answer may be helpful when making your decision.
As a student, competitor and teacher of the Martial Arts, in 1998 I began teaching self-defense to women.
This was an exciting time for me because it's how my Mastering Your Beliefs program got its start. As a Martial Artist, I was learning the physical as well as the mental aspect of Martial Arts. The more I understood why our mind is our most powerful weapon; I wanted to share how empowering this can be with other women. When you understand how to use your chi (energy) as both offense and defense, you create synergy between you and your opponent. But if you learn the physical without the mental (mindset), you will often find yourself in a mindset of victim mode (wanting to right the wrongs you believe were done to you) or the anticipation of a physical altercation.
I've been there, I know what it's like to feel so powerless because another person chooses to victimize you. I also know what it's like to be in the very same situation as the woman who called me looking for advice. The most powerful weapon you possess, is your mind. If you want to take self-defense classes, it's important to know "Your Why".
Are you in a situation where you fear for your life? (If you fear for your life, CLICK HERE for professional resources.) Are you in a situation where things aren't too bad at the moment but you fear the situation will escalate? Most women I talk with want to learn self-defense "just in case" - but they don't stop to think about what "just in case" really means to them.
When you "Master" something, it means you've learned to make it part of your daily habit and have done the necessary work to be able to draw on it whenever you require support and guidance. As a Martial Artist, we train for hours, days, months and years to be able to act instead of react so our mind instinctively knows what to do. Much like driving a car, there are many steps involved but it all happens without you having to think about it. You can't take a class or spend a few hours a week and expect to master the art of self-defense.
I have experienced how domestic violence can escalate very quickly when the situation becomes physical but the best way to win any fight is not to be there. Remember, everything is energy. The people and experiences you attract into your life are teaching you what you want more of and what you want less of. You are attracting your experiences based on how you feel (energy).
Everything is energy and every one of your thoughts are associated with a feeling (energy). Why are you attracting the energy of being in your current situation? Your definition of fault, attracting, and responsibility for your actions can be confusing if you are unaware of the law of attraction (energy).
Based on the mental, verbal and physical abuse that escalated to sexual abuse by the time I was 12 years old, as an adult, I was still carrying the energy of those experiences. It felt "normal" to me to be afraid of people and situations where I could easily be victimized. This fear included feelings of being a victim, blame, shame, guilt, degradation and low self-worth.
My child-self had created a belief about who I am and what I could do, be or have based on my childhood experiences. When my adult-self was still making choices based on childhood beliefs, my feelings (energy) were vibrating at a level that was attracting more reasons to be a victim. Being raised with violence, I believed violence was the answer to stop feeling like a victim.
When I learned that our feelings are our internal GPS, and are guiding us through every choice we make, I finally understood why I kept attracting the people and experiences I did not want. If your beliefs are based on negative feelings, you will attract negative people and experiences into your life.
You can take the long path to understand how to keep yourself safe, like I did by learning to fight, or you can take the easy path and learn how to master the beliefs that are creating your thoughts, feelings and emotions about your current situations or experiences.
Every feeling is associated with a belief - what do you believe about why you need to learn to defend yourself? Do you believe you're weak, vulnerable, easy prey, or have no choice about your current situation? Do you believe that lack (lack of funds, lack of knowledge, lack of having what you deserve) is keeping you from living the life you want?
You do have the power to remove yourself from any unwanted situation or experience but first you need to know "your why". Why do you believe you are where you are and why do you believe there is only one choice?
Every choice we make is based on one of two choices - you choose from fear or you choose from faith. Faith based choices are made from your highest levels of "SELF" (self-love, self-esteem, self-confidence, self-image, self-worth).
You have an inner strength that is powerful beyond measure. Learn to pay attention to your "why" because "your why" is what you believe you are, or are not, capable of. As you get better and better at identifying your beliefs, you create the opportunity to master any belief that feels like fear.
I believe that every person has the power to step out of negative, unwanted situations. Do you?
Nancy Mueller ~ Life Sensei
What Is Happiness?
What does it take to be truly happy?
Are we born happy or when we're born, are we taught what it means to be happy?
These are the questions I pondered in my own search for happiness and I've come to understand that we are all born happy. It wasn't until someone took it upon themselves to teach us what happiness means that we even knew we had a choice to be unhappy!
If happiness is a choice, why would anyone choose to be unhappy? The answer is; we choose to be unhappy because someone taught us that true happiness can only be found from an external source.
As children, we're not taught the meaning of happiness in specific words; we can sense the feelings and emotions from others. We knew when our parents or caregivers were feeling happy and that feeling of happiness created a sense of security and well being in our world. But just as we were able to sense feelings of happiness, we also sensed the feelings of unhappiness.
The true nature of who we are yearns for the happiness we were born with so we learn, at a very early age, to navigate the emotional ups and downs of those around us and at some point, we created a belief that this is what it takes to be happy.
As you got older, you held onto your beliefs and continue the practice of navigating the emotional ups and downs of others to get what you want. This practice takes on many forms such as putting yourself last while you make sure the needs of others are met before your own. You've created a belief that the only way to be happy is by making others happy.
The flaw in this belief is understanding that no one has power over another person.
The only power you possess are the thoughts you think and the choices you make. If you choose to continually put the needs of someone else over your own needs, and that person is having a bad day, week, month, year or several years, you are literally putting our life on hold until someone else chooses to be happy. You believe you're being loving and supportive only because you've been conditioned from a very early age that your happiness is dependent upon the happiness of others.
But, it isn't!
Happiness is an inside job; it's about learning who you are, your value and how you can be true to yourself. It's about putting your needs and wants ahead of everything and everyone else so your cup is full. Happiness is an emotion, something you feel inside that lights you up. This can only happen when you are loving who you are!
The first step to being happy, is to understand what happiness means to you. Is your definition of happiness the innate happiness you were born with or what someone taught you? Is your definition of happiness conditional (meaning you have to do or have something before you can experience being happy).
The second step is to WANT to be happy. This may sound easy but when you've had years of choosing to be unhappy, it shows that you've created a belief that being unhappy is part of life. It doesn't occur to you that being unhappy is actually a choice!
The third step is to get very clear about what you believe is causing you to be unhappy as well as what you believe will bring you happiness. Make a list and once you've finished, look over your list and cross out everything that is conditional. Examples of conditional happiness are: someone else has to do or say something before you can allow yourself to be happy, a purchase (either large or small), changing something about the way you look, a bigger bank account, leaving your significant other, finding the perfect romance, travel, changing your job or location and anything that requires that you receive something before choose to be happy. Once you've done this, you'll be left with the things you can easily see are within your grasp this very moment.
The good news is, when you choose happiness as your way of being, you also create a feeling of abundance and prosperity that's so powerful, you can't help but attract experiences of abundance and prosperity.
Once you've identified where you are in these three steps, if you really want to be happy, you'll move heaven and earth to make it happen. You'll find yourself smiling more, you'll stop blaming other people, experiences or conditions as a reason to be unhappy.
What are your limiting beliefs? Which of your beliefs are causing you to choose to be unhappy? Only you can decide when you're ready to master your beliefs and free your mind to embrace the happiness you were born with. Who taught you the definition of happiness? Is that person still around? Do you see evidence of happiness in everything that person says or does? If not, why would you choose to follow their example of what it means to be happy?
Happiness comes from inspired thought, not from action taken. The more inspired your thoughts are, the happier your choices will be.
Being unhappy is not real, it's a manifestation based on your belief about what you deserve. Being happy is not only something you deserve, it's an innate gift you were born with.
Remind yourself that life is all about choices; you can choose to be happy just as you can choose to be unhappy. If you are unhappy more than you're happy, you've merely created a habit of being unhappy based on your beliefs.
When you're ready, make the decision to be happy. Smile more, judge less (yourself and others), sing like no one is listening, dance like no one is watching, laugh more, be grateful, and be open to letting go of the people and experiences that try to rob you of feeling happy.
Have fun discovering your own definition of happiness and stop allowing what others think or say about you. When others can't see your value it's usually because they're shielding their eyes from the light that is shining so brightly within you.
Nancy Mueller ~ Life Sensei
In the past, if someone were to ask me why I wasn't happy, healthy, wealthy, or loving my life, I used to tell them all the reasons why.
I actually believed it made perfect sense to explain why I was miserable, struggling, or feeling inadequate.
That's what I used to believe until I began to understand the power of my words. Simply stated; "Your thoughts create your beliefs, your beliefs create your words, your words create your story. Your story is what you tell yourself and others about who you believe you are and what you believe you're capable of.
Can you imagine my skepticism when someone first told me that my words create my reality? As I began mastering my beliefs about the power of my words, I started with something easy for me; I began using the word "fabulous" when someone would ask me how I am.
In line at the grocery store, when the clerk asks, "how are you?" My answer, "fabulous, and you?" 9 out of 10 times, the person responds one of two ways; they either say, "Fabulous, I don't hear that very often" OR "Well, I'm certainly not fabulous but I'm doing ok."
I made it a practice to change my story about my life and give my "fabulous" answer each time someone asked me how I am. The more times I answered "fabulous" the more I noticed people giving me reasons why they are not fabulous or why they couldn't be fabulous. Most of the time I never even asked them why, they'd just offer reasons to justify why they weren't fabulous.
That's when I started realizing that people were actually arguing for their limitations.
If I would ask them what it would take for them to be fabulous, they would often give answers such as: I would need to get a raise, a new job, make more money, lose weight, dump my boyfriend/girlfriend, get a new car, move to a new city, pay off my student loans, get out of debt, find a job, get divorced, save my marriage, etc.
As my practice of answering, "fabulous" turned into weeks, months and years, out of all the reasons people have given me about why they aren't fabulous, I came to realize that very few people believe being "fabulous" can be a state of mind.
You don't have to have millions of dollars in the bank to feel wealthy, you don't have to look like a supermodel to feel attractive and you don't have to be a scientist to know night follows day.
What is your story? What are the thoughts you think, over and over that have become your limiting beliefs and why do you argue for your perceived limitations?
Every time you say, "I can't do that because..." or "I can't have that because..." you are arguing for your limitations.
What do you wish, with all your heart and soul, could be different in your life but you only talk about the reasons you are limited from having it? What is the story you tell yourself (and anyone who will listen) about why you don't have it, why you can't have it or why you'll never have it?
Every word you speak holds a vibration based on the energy, attention and focus you place on it. When you argue for your limitations, you are confirming to yourself and others why it's impossible.
Every time you tell yourself or someone else why your life isn't the way you want it to be, you are arguing for your limitations. What if your new answer is, "fabulous" instead of arguing for your limitations?
When you choose to answer, "fabulous" you may notice that little voice inside your head saying, "oh yeah, what's so fabulous about it?" That's the perfect time to look for reasons to see evidence of something fabulous.
Who knows, when you start looking for reasons to be fabulous you may even learn to stop arguing for your limitations!
Nancy Mueller ~ Life Sensei at MasteringYourBeliefs.com
There was a time in my life when I believed I didn't have anything to be grateful for.
This was the same time I believed the things that would make me grateful could never be mine!
Anyone who knows anything about the Law of Attraction can see how this flawed belief kept me in a continuous cycle of lack; lack of love, lack of prosperity, lack of self-worth. Lack became my cycle of attraction!
As a young wife, the thing I prayed for most was a child; the day came when my prayers were answered, twins were on the way, and then they weren't. So I prayed for another child and that prayer was answered; she was on the way, until she wasn't.
When my daughter was born, I was so eternally grateful for this third chance, but at the same time, there were so many things I didn't know how to do and fear of failure would often overtake my thoughts. When the student is ready, the teacher will appear; my desire to be a good mother gave me what I needed to succeed at motherhood.
The thing about getting what you ask for is; once you have it, it can be easy to forget how much you wanted it and the gratitude you felt when you received it. It's easy to forget because life has a way of getting us to focus on the absence of something rather than the joy of having it.
When we focus on the bills we don't know how we'll pay, the new car we know we'll never be able to afford, the home repairs that seem endless, the arguments with our spouse, the problems with our in-laws, the unbearable co-worker, the unrelenting boss, the vacation we want but can't afford, the romance we yearn for but never receive, and wishing our lives away by waking up every Monday morning and wishing it was Friday because we hate our job, we keep ourselves in a never-ending cycle of the belief that our life can never be more than it is.
We dwell on everything we don't have until something we do have is taken away from us. Loss can make us beg and plead to a higher power to give us what we need and want and we don't even stop to realize this very same asking place we were in before we received the thing we just lost.
All too often, this becomes the life habit for so many people. They say they have faith in "what could be" but their faith actually lies in what they believe they can't have.
When we receive something we've asked for we fear celebrating it because someone has taught us that talking about our prosperity is wrong so we choose not to make a joyful noise. Instead, we see our good fortune as dumb luck and live in fear of losing what we have. We continue to follow the rules that everyone seems to adhere to and hide our light. We hide our light because we fear being "too happy" when we know others are not. We would not choose to give up being healthy so that all the people who are unhealthy will feel more comfortable around us so why do we insist on downplaying our prosperity?
We secretly go about wanting more but feeling shameful for wanting it because we are following a misguided belief that wanting more is wrong. Wanting more can only be wrong because we believe it's wrong. When we feel shameful or guilty for wanting more, we are unable to remain in a vibration of receiving and the opposite of receiving is losing.
We don't see the habit of experience we are choosing every day because somewhere, someone told us this is the way life is.
But what if it isn't?
What if you could be more abundant, more prosperous, more joyful, more happy, more excited about life and all it holds?
Every ending creates a new beginning, a new opportunity a new possibility unless all of your attention, energy and focus is on whatever is ending.
I was blessed with two beautiful daughters and one day they grew up and started their own life. The ending of having them in my home created a new beginning for them to create the prosperity they continue to bring to our family.
The divorce that devasted me was an ending that created a beginning to the life I now live. The ending of a job created a beginning for the work I do now. These new beginnings could only arrive as soon as I was willing to let go of what was and be grateful for what "could be".
Focusing on what "seemed" to be, only attracted more of what I had. Focusing on what "could be" attracted more of my desires.
I am the only one who has the power to create my life experiences; both positive and negative. Being grateful for what I have brings me more of what I desire. Whether I can see it, feeling it, taste it or touch it doesn't matter because I don't know what I don't know and when my desires are flowing to me, I am always blessed with more than what I imagined they would be.
This is why I make a joyful noise about what I have, because there was a time in my life when I believed I didn't have anything to be grateful for and the things that would make me grateful could never be mine!
I'm happy to let you know I was wrong about this and if you'll give yourself permission to be wrong, you will realize the only place you will find happiness resides within you!
Learn to enjoy life instead of only achieving and you will find happiness instead of always looking for it because it resides within you. All you need to do is tap into it and let it expand!
Sensei Nancy Mueller ~ Founder at Mastering Your Beliefs
Who Could You Be
When I was about 7 years old, I had just returned home from visiting a friend and was excited to show my dad the dance I had just learned. In my excitement, I asked him to watch me dance the Irish jig and I remember feeling so proud of myself as I eagerly awaited his praise.
When I finished, I looked at him expectantly and he said, "do you think just because you practice something for a couple hours it makes you good enough to show it to others?"
At that moment, my child-self created a belief that no matter how much I thought I knew, I would never be good enough to teach what I know.
As an adult, my inner-child held on to that belief for years, creating self-doubt and bouts of "impostor syndrome" whenever I was asked a question.
Every one of us has the power to heal our inner-child and stop believing we must continue to be who someone else taught us we are! When our child-self creates a belief based on a negative experience, the feelings and emotions associated with that belief stay with us and because we FEEL it so strongly, our adult-self will continue to attract experiences to justify the feeling.
When we are able to master the belief, we release the feelings and emotions from our body and stop attracting unwanted experiences into our life. Once I was able to master my belief about teaching others, my passion for teaching became my vocation for my life's work. Every one of us can be, do or have whatever we desire if we are open to letting go of the negative experiences from our childhood that our adult-self is still holding on to.
Every person has the ability to master any belief that is creating struggle in their adult life experiences. There are no accidents in the Universe, if you attracted this message, you are being shown an answer to the questions you've been asking.
The next question is, are you ready to let go of your limiting belief?
Sensei Nancy Mueller at MasteringYourBeliefs.com
It was a morning in October of 1971; I woke up and realized we were late for school and my mother was still sleeping in her bed. Because it was not like my mother to sleep in, my inner-child care-giver mode kicked in and I tried to shake her awake while letting her know we were late for school.
She rolled over and told me to go back to my room. Thinking she wasn't grasping the situation, I was trying to tell her to get out of bed when she said, "trust me, go back to bed, I'll explain everything to you later."
Several hours later, mom gathered me and my four siblings in the living room and told us our dad had left us. He had quit his job and left town with his secretary and then she took us to school. I could not wrap my head around what had happened and couldn't understand how we were expected to go to school as if nothing had happened.
When I got home from school, I walked up the driveway to find my mother's wedding gown, wedding pictures and pictures of my dad in the trash can. In 1971 the stigma of coming from a broken home was truly something to be ashamed of. It took years for me to heal the feelings and beliefs of shame, guilt, degradation, humiliation, and abandonment.
Looking back, my rational, adult-mind used to wonder why his abandonment of our family didn't bring us happiness. Why hadn't we thrown a party and danced every happy dance we knew now that he was out of our lives? After all, now that he was gone, I would be free from the mental, verbal and physical abuse that had escalated to sexual abuse by the time I was 12 years old.
But that's not how my child-self saw our situation. I did not have the "knowing" at that time that I had created beliefs from being mentally, physically, verbally and sexually abused and then abandoned, that this is who I am.
In the 1970's there was no internet, and yet the Universe has always been there, guiding me, watching over me and showing me The Way! I don't know how or where I found it but I came across a message called "Don't Quit". I remember writing it down and sending the message in a letter to my dad. I wanted him to know that I thought quitting our family was not acceptable.
And now, 50+ years later, I am still sharing this message with others. At some point I learned the value of this message was not to admonish someone else in judgment of their choices but for me to remind myself to never quit believing in my value, my self-worth and my dreams.
And now, I'm sharing this message with you to encourage you to never give up on yourself:
When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,
when the road you’re trudging seems uphill,
When the funds are low and the debts are high,
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit,
Rest, if you must, but do not quit.
Life is queer with its twists and turns,
As every one of us sometimes learns,
And many a failure turns about,
When he might have won had he stuck it out;
Don’t give up though the pace seems slow
You may succeed with another blow.
Often the goal is nearer than,
It seems to a faint and faltering man,
Often the struggler has given up,
When he might have captured the victors cup,
And he learned too late when the night slipped down,
How close he was to the golden crown.
Success is failure turned inside out
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt,
And you never can tell how close you are,
It may be near when it seems so far,
So stick to the fight when you’re hardest hit
Its when things seem worst that you must not quit.
Sending you love and light and reminding you that everything you dream of having can be yours,
Nancy Mueller ~ Life Sensei
Stop Trying To Fit In
As children we often want to fit in with our peers, we want to belong and feel part of the group. No one likes feeling like an outsider. Childhood is full of opportunities and experiences that teach us how to fit in or how to deal with not fitting in. Whether we fit in or don't fit in, each experience is attached to a feeling and emotion that creates our beliefs about who we are.
We hold onto these beliefs throughout childhood and our adult-self uses these beliefs for every choice you make.
Beliefs your child-self created that often go hand and hand with our adult-self not fitting in can include seeing yourself as a third wheel, you're often left out, you don't belong, there must be something wrong with you, you're odd, better to remain in the background and not draw too much attention to yourself, not speaking up for yourself, feeling uncomfortable in social situations, difficulty making friends, you're not smart enough, pretty enough, good enough, educated enough; the list is endless.
When your adult-self is trying to "fit in" it's often because you haven't yet learned who you are and the value of being you. When you know who you are, you set standards and boundaries you are unwilling to allow others to undermine. You are mindful of your time because you know if you don't manage your time, others will manage it for you. You say what's on your mind because you know your suggestions have merit but you are also open-minded to what others think and say. You understand that every healthy relationship is reciprocal and you deserve to be heard, seen and valued.
Understanding that your inner child is still very much a part of you, if he or she is still holding on to those feelings and beliefs about what it felt like not to fit in you may find yourself going out of your way to give more than you have to give. You may allow others to dictate how you spend your time (this often shows up when you feel obligated to volunteer for something) or you become an "over-giver" giving to others and not having enough to fill your own wants and needs. You spend more than you can easily afford to keep up with friends and neighbors which then wreaks havoc on your financial status. You spend time and money at the gym or on products that promise to defy the aging process. You join in on the local gossip about another person or event because you desperately want others to know you are knowledgeable with what's going on in the world, your town, your neighborhood or your family.
What if you simply stop trying to fit in? What kind of peace of mind would you be able to enjoy if you weren't constantly trying to be everything for everyone else and started being everything you need for you? Would you have more time for yourself and the people who are most important to you? Would you feel less obligated to show up the way others expect you to show up?
Can you do that? Or is your inner child still holding on to those feelings and beliefs about the importance of fitting in?
Have you been trying to fit in for so long that you don't know what true freedom feels like just to be you? Do you want to be able to share your dreams, thoughts and hopes without feeling judged by others? What would your life be like without being shackled to the demands of others?
You have the power to change your present day experiences when you learn to let go of past experiences that are still demanding your time, energy and focus.
Letting go does not mean giving up; letting go means giving yourself the freedom to show yourself and others who you are and what you're capable of. All this can be yours when you stop trying to fit in!
Secrets In The Attic
The idea for this blog came to me while I was in the attic, literally, I was in the attic.
My aunt and uncle had both passed away, the job of clearing out years of memories had been left to my cousins, and one day I found myself reminiscing with them in the attic of their parent’s home.
As we sorted through sixty years of boxes filled with clothes, documents and outdated appliances, I realized the three of us hadn't been together since I was 8 years old and I couldn't help but notice how much had changed for me since the last time we were together.
As a young girl, I always felt like an outsider when I was around my cousins because I believed they had a perfect life. Their family seemed full of love, kindness, happy times and togetherness while my childhood was filled with abuse, trauma and the secrets my siblings and I were forced to keep about what went on in our home.
Because of those secrets, I grew up feeling inferior to my cousins, aunts and uncles.
I was a young girl the last time I’d been in that house, and I was enjoying the opportunity to laugh and talk about the fun times we shared together in that house like the “secret passage” that connected my cousin's closet to the closet in my aunt and uncle’s bedroom and how we used to go between the bedrooms without the knowledge of our parents (or at least we believed they didn’t know)!
Rarely do childhood memories turn out the way we remember them, especially when we get the opportunity to visit them as our adult self. I remember feeling a twinge of disappointment when I discovered that our secret passage was less of a secret passage and more like an unfinished wall.
As we sat together in the attic, going through what felt like the millionth box, I opened a box that was full of letters, documents, birth certificates, cards, and newspaper clippings. It was all there, pieces of documented family history that revealed the lives of our family members in ways the three of us had never heard before. Proof of births, deaths, affairs, illegitimate children and even manslaughter. This information was not part of any childhood memory the three of us had ever heard of before that day.
As we sat there, dumbfounded, trying to make sense of the written and documented proof we were holding in our hands, all we could do was stare at each other!
The truth of what we'd just learned hit me like a bolt of lightning and I blurted out, "Wow, this is proof that I was never inferior to the rest of you because you had awful secrets just like me. The only difference is, you didn't know about them until now! I should write a book about this and title it Secrets in the Attic." My cousin replied, “no one would ever believe it, you’d have to write it as a book of fiction because no one is going to believe this stuff!”
By the time we left the house that day, our eyes had been opened to the fact that most of what we thought we’d known about our parents, family members and even who we'd been taught we are, had been based on lies, half-truths, innuendos, secrets and misleading information.
As we were each lost in our own thoughts about what we'd learned, I started wondering, “if our family memories can no longer be relied on, how does that affect the basis of who we believe we are and how do we come to terms with the people who told us those lies, half-truths, innuendos, secrets and misleading information?"
Have you ever asked yourself where your beliefs come from about who you are, what you're capable of or what you deserve to have? What limiting beliefs could you free yourself from and how would it change your life?
Not everyone will have an experience of family secrets being revealed but every belief our adult-self has is based on something we were taught, experienced or intuited as children. All beliefs about who we are, both negative and positive, are formed between the ages of birth to twelve years of age. How much of what we believe about our childhood can be relied on as the truth for the choices we make as adults?
As an adult, childhood memories can invoke something you’re trying to live up to or wish had never happened. Either way, we can’t go back and undo the past, or can we? If you think about it, the mind is like the attic of our life, full of outdated junk we no longer need but often hold onto because we have difficulty letting it go.
What are the secrets in your attic? Are there beliefs your mind is holding onto that, if you let them go, could free you from the pain, struggle and challenges your adult-self is experiencing? Would "NOW" be the right time for you to let go of your limiting beliefs? Only you have the power to hold onto your limiting beliefs and only you have the power to let them go.
Remember, Life Is All About Choices!
What Is Your Truth
I don't know about you, but sometimes I find myself wondering "what's so special about me and how am I qualified to do what I do?"
It's not because I doubt my skills and abilities, it's because there are times when I think about where I thought I'd be at this stage of my life versus where I actually am.
I've heard people ask the question, "if you could go back and talk with your younger self, what would you say?" But my answer is always the same, "there is no way my younger self would ever believe me if I told her what we would one day accomplish. She would not have believed what we're capable of because it was not our truth."
I'll never forget the first time someone told me I am brilliant, talented and compassionate; because that was not my truth. That was not how I saw myself when I looked in the mirror or introduced myself to strangers. If I could not see the brilliance, talent or compassion within me, how could I believe anyone who was saying those words to me?
I've come to realize my life is an expansion of who I am and who I've always been. The truth is, you don't know what you don't know. If someone tells you something that seems so far beyond what you believe to be true, it can be difficult or nearly impossible to believe it's possible.
How could I possibly believe an older version of myself, telling me everything I've experienced has laid the groundwork to teach others because I feel compassion for what they've gone through or because they're going through something similar? How could that be true when I believed my value was based on my traumatic, hurtful, shameful, and degrading experiences?
I believe when the student is ready, the teacher will appear. I also believe we have many teachers but don't always recognize them for what they're here to teach us. An abusive parent can teach us we have no value, or that we will one day have the power to break the cycle of abuse. The person who victimizes us can teach us we are a victim or that being victimized does not make us a victim. The marriage that ended in divorce can teach us we failed or that we are now expanding into a higher understanding of who we are and what's possible in our life. The empty bank account can teach us that lack in any form is a reflection of how we feel about our self-worth and as our self-worth increases, so will our level of abundance and prosperity.
The question then becomes, "what is your truth?" Do you believe yourself to be gorgeous, talented, fabulous and worthy of all the abundance and prosperity the Universe has to offer or do you believe yourself to be unworthy?
When I was quite possibly at the lowest point of my life, my truth about who I believed I was, was making my life miserable. It wasn't until I chose to question what I believed to be true, that I could begin to see it was possible there might be some truth to what others could see in me. As my understanding of what I believed to be true shifted from unworthy to worthy, people and opportunities began to show up. There were people who guided me to write and publish my books, asked to feature me in their magazine, assisted me with my website, and even asked me to speak to their audiences or groups. Before I knew it, people were asking me, to teach them my process to understand their own truth. People could feel my compassion for what they were going through. My belief in their ability to choose a different truth about who they believe they are and what they're capable of was something they were ready to be true about their own life!
There is one truth I believe that exists for everyone, you will never know what's so special about who you are and what you're qualified to do until and unless you're willing to understand why you believe what you believe and why you choose to make it your truth. Only then can you ask yourself, "is that true or have I made it my truth based on past experiences?"
Remember, it's not what someone says to you that matters, it's what you believe about what they say.
When you truly know yourself, your truth will be based on a foundation that you really are that special and qualified to live an abundant and prosperous life!
Nancy Mueller ~ Life Sensei