There was a time when seeing myself as a survivor, made me feel good about myself!
But did I?
For one person to win, does another have to lose?
Growing up, our father used to grab my sister and I by the back of the neck, and force us to fight each other.
If we refused, he would beat the crap out of us.
In my mind, the decision was easy; fight my sister instead of feeling the wrath of our father...
I won every fight,
I believed I was the victor!
I got old enough to see what my victory had done to my sister.
Realizing she carried the emotional and physical scars that proved I was always the winner, started to have an adverse affect on me.
How could I be proud of who I am, when it also meant facing what I'd done to get here?
That's when the Impostor Syndrome started kicking my ass in a big way...
My Impostor Beliefs made me question everything:
✅Do I deserve to be happy?
✅Do I deserve to put the traumatic experiences of my childhood behind me and instead of allowing them to swallow me whole, start using them to heal myself and others?
✅Do I deserve to publish books about my journey as a way to heal myself and others?
✅Do I deserve to have an abundant life and lifestyle as I use my experiences to inspire, motivate and empower others?
✅Do I deserve to share My Story in a way that will continually remind me that, "it's not about what happened to me that matters, it's about what I do with what happened to me"?
✅Do I deserve to forgive myself for acting on the only knowledge I had at that time?
✅Do I deserve to shout to the world "I Love My Life"?
YOU BET YOUR ASS I DO!
When we overcome what others try to destroy; we create an inner strength so powerful, no person, place or experience can us tear down!
I know the power of getting out from under the belief that being victimized made me a victim.
People will inflict atrocities towards others to keep from looking at their own pain.
When we live our lives in victim and vengeance mode, our mind is never truly free. When our minds are not free, we continually tell ourselves "we aren’t good enough, smart enough, or talented enough" because what we’re actually doing is enforcing a belief that what happened, happened because we were too weak to prevent it; this makes us feel powerless.
Forgiveness begins within; forgiving our “SELF” for believing we have to stay in that mindset! This is the true power of forgiveness, this is the ability we all have, this is the inner strength that I am so passionate about teaching other women!
Whatever childhood experiences, memories and beliefs are holding you hostage; allowing them to have a hold over you is a choice.
When you're ready to break free of ANY limiting belief that the Impostor Syndrome is using to convince you of how "unworthy" you are...
When you're ready to say, "These self-sabotaging beliefs stop NOW"...
Make some noise in the comments below for my FREE eGuide on "Recognizing & Eliminating The Impostor Syndrome"
Nancy Mueller ~ Life Coach & Sensei for Women
I overheard a family conversation recently where everyone was gathered to talk about what they want for Christmas.
The group was made up of 15 adults; all over the age of 21.
The conversation went something like this:
"What do you want for Christmas? I need some ideas"
"I don't know! I don't need anything"
"Well, you need to give me some ideas because I don't know what to buy for you."
"But I don't need anything, if I need something, I buy it when I need it."
And the conversation continued as each of them continued trying to pull ideas from each other.
When did Christmas become a time to stress ourselves out about buying something for someone that they don't really need?
What is the point?
I don't think that's what Christmas is about and yet this is a touchy subject for so many people. If pressed, they'll tell you, "But it's Christmas! I have to buy gifts; it's part of the Christmas tradition!"
Giving and receiving is about gratitude; the feeling of being grateful - gratitude cannot be forced.
Traditions begin with the best of intentions but there is a time to rethink the meaning behind them.
Traditions (AKA habits/patterns of choice) should fill a person with a feeling of abundance and gratitude.
There is so much talk about people who are less fortunate or who have fallen on hard times but this will never change as long as people follow the traditions of giving based on "that's the way we've always done it."
When the opportunity presents itself to evaluate traditions, habits and beliefs, only by making different choices will our lives become more enriched. Only by making different choices are we able to break the cycle of limiting beliefs, habits and traditions that no longer serve us.
As each year ends, we are given the opportunity to reevaluate how we want to end the year and how we want to enter the new year. We can choose to repeat past experiences, traditions and beliefs or we can be open to new beginnings.
When we hold on to traditions that are forced, the tradition loses it's true meaning. The same holds true with traditions of holding on to childhood memories of sadness, lack or loss during the holidays.
When a person uses Christmas as a time to remind themselves of everything they believe they were deprived of or lost, they are actually choosing to use what could be a joyful end of year celebration as an excuse to prove to themselves and others why their life isn't perfect.
We can choose to obsess over the tradition of forced giving or we can experience the joy of giving in a way that will create equal reciprocity in the act of both giving and receiving, this includes giving ourselves the gift of letting go of what no longer serves us!
People say they want their life to change but are often unwilling to start with something as simple as seasonal traditions.
Nothing in our lives will change if we aren't willing to start by asking ourselves one very important question, "if I continue to make these same choices, will my life be more enriched or will I continue to search for more meaning in my life and continually ask, "why am I here?"
Every person has the opportunity to give the best gift of all; the gift of letting go of past hurts, loss, slights, experiences and grudges. Every person has the ability to open up their hearts to the knowing that each one of us has the power to choose how we will make a difference in this world based on how we choose to show up every single day.
Family traditions can be a very touchy subject; younger generations would like things to change but are loathe to bring it up for fear of upsetting someone or "going against tradition" and being the outcast at the family gathering. But what if standing up for what you believe is the greatest gift you can give yourself this year? What if listening to your intuition instead of allowing yourself to be talked out of what you feel is right, is EXACTLY what you need to create that new beginning in your life? What if allowing your intuition to guide you is the first step to your physical, emotional and spiritual independence?
Gifts come in all sizes, shapes, forms and reasons - how will you give and receive this year?
Life truly is All About Choices!
Nancy Mueller ~ Life Sensei
As an entrepreneur, are you charging what you're worth or what you believe you’re worth?
There is a huge difference between the two. Most entrepreneurs charge what they believe their business, products and services are worth because they haven’t yet learned the true value of who they are and why they deserve to create financial independence from their work.
Are you charging enough for the value you offer?
If you've created a business from something you enjoy doing, and you're still not charging what you're worth, here's something to think about...
The world needs you and your gift & talents (otherwise you wouldn't be here and you wouldn't have your talents).
Since the world needs you and what you offer, you deserve to spend all the time you need or want to flourish in your business.
If you're working from a mindset that's telling you, "I do this for fun, I can't possibly raise my prices" then I strongly urge you to take a look at your relationships (past & present).
The energy involved in relationships is the same energy that resistance is made of; so, if you're resisting receiving, it will show up in your business as well as your relationships.
If you don't want more money in your life, that's your decision, but the Universe is constantly seeking suitable channels to eliminate lack for us.
LIFE IS ALL ABOUT CHOICES: you can either get on board and allow the Universe to fill you up with all the money and resources you desire or you can keep believing you're the ONLY person on the planet who doesn't deserve to be abundant!
Nancy Mueller ~ Life Sensei
The LGBT Community uses the phrase "Coming Out" or "Coming Out of the Closet" as a way of self-disclosure.
When I was going through my divorce, I was fortunate to work with a Life Coach who specializes in working with the LGBT Community; specifically people who are experiencing challenges with "coming out".
I was drawn to this particular coach because I trusted what she stands for; every person deserves to be empowered through every life choice they make. Although I was not coming out from an LGBT perspective, I was coming out from the perspective of how I had shown up in my life thus far.
After 32 years of marriage, I began to realize how I had lived my life a certain way based on the beliefs about who I thought I was. Divorce was forcing me to "come out" to a very different lifestyle. I had identified myself through the eyes of a married woman, divorce was about to change all of that. So what happens when you can no longer identify with who you believe yourself to be?
I felt like giving up.
I’m not saying I thought about ending my life, I simply wanted to cease to exist. The pain, guilt, shame and self-judgement was overwhelming and life didn’t seem worth hanging on to. I kept wondering how it was possible for me to get to a point where I could think so little of myself, that ceasing to exist seemed like the only answer.
I had so many thoughts invading my mind that staying focused for any amount of time took a great deal of effort and willpower. The thoughts ran rampant through my mind; what if..., what will I do..., what happens when..., I'm no longer..., how can I possibly..., the fear of being judged by others didn't hold a candle to the self-judgement I heaped on myself at any given moment of the day. The question that went through my mind, with more force than the surf pounding the rocks was, "how will I ever survive this?"
At the time, I had no idea how much the Universe was supporting me throughout my time of self-disclosure by guiding me to work with a "coming out" life coach. She coached me to stay true to myself, my wants, my needs and what I needed to find the most empowered pieces of myself and lean on them during times of uncertainty.
When questions arose such as, "Can I still continue to do the work I love to do? Will people think less of me? Will I lose credibility with my audience? I feel like an impostor in my own life, will others view me as an impostor? I should be better at managing this battle that's raging within me during every waking moment of my life."
As I resolved to let go of the "self-judgement" and look at the beliefs that were permeating my every thought, the real Nancy began coming out of the closet in a big way!
It was exhilarating to speak my truth, to drag all of the thoughts around my fears, hopes and dreams out of the closet and look at them for what they are. They are part of me. They all make me who I am and I have a choice to decide which thoughts I will choose to build my beliefs around.
We all have the power to choose what thoughts will enforce our beliefs; thoughts of self-judgement or thoughts of self-empowerment. Whether we choose to come out of the closet or life pulls us out kicking and screaming, we have a choice. We can choose to give up or we can choose to be loud and proud about who we are, what we do and why we're so fabulous.
You only have one life to live, so when it's your time to come out of the closet, just remember; Life Is All About Choices. You can come out of the closet kicking and screaming or you can do it with pride! Be loud and proud about who you are and what you do so while letting the world know why you're so fabulous. After all, once you're out, you put yourself in a position to bring the light out in others as you watch your light shine even brighter!
Nancy Mueller ~ Life Sensei
Who do you see when you look in the mirror?
Do you see:
The child you used to be?
A woman of strength?
A woman at peace?
Throughout our lives, we strive to "be" someone or something because we've been taught that when we "become" that woman , we'll be happy. We think we know who we are but most of us have accepted that who we are is a condition based on who we were.
As a child, you may have had a carefree life or you may have had trauma and challenges. Either way, it shaped who you grew to "be" and how you see yourself. When we want to "be" someone or something, we tend to measure our success by having to "become" who or what we want. If you can relate to this, somewhere along the way you've created a belief that something has to be "undone" before you can truly be happy and well thought of by yourself and others.
The truth is, we are ALL of the experiences of our past but have learned to compartmentalize every phase of our growth. We've been taught that we are the memories of our childhood self. We carry on beliefs, habits and family traditions because as we grow older, every aspect, choice and belief about who we "were" shapes where we believe we're going and who or what we want to be. And because of this, we are allowing who we believe we were to limit who we came here to be instead of celebrating every milestone for what it truly is, the ability to accept our greatness through our progress. We all have this ability, but not necessarily the belief.
And throughout all of this, we fear that we may never "be" who or what we want to become.
What if we learned to erase the fear? What if it's not about "becoming" anything but merely "un-becoming" our fears? What would it take for you to erase the fear of who you want to become or how you see who you used to be? The phrase, "if only I could go back and change..." is such a limiting phrase because life is meant to be lived going forward. Who you are today is not conditional on who you were yesterday and the days, months and years before today. Who you are today, and who you've been every day since your birth is God made manifest through you. Somewhere along your journey you may have forgotten this, but only fear can keep you from this truth.
So, who do you see when you look in the mirror?
If you're haunted by childhood memories that create regret, you're limiting your ability to be who you came here to be. If you're still judging yourself for choosing the wrong career, the bad investment, the divorce, the marriage, your parenting choices, and every morning you wake up wishing you could be anyone but who you are, you are choosing to live your life through fear.
The simple answer is, "the woman in your mirror" is a Spiritual Being, having a human experience as a woman in this lifetime. Everything you need or want, to have the most amazing human experience, is yours; all that is required of you is to "accept" your greatness!
When you look in the mirror, if you can only see the child who suffered at the hands of others, the woman who never quite "fit in", the mediocre student, the woman with one failed relationship after another, the woman who is in debt, the woman who is confused, anxious, searching, feeling lost or hopeless or wondering why your life is so difficult, if this is the woman you see staring back at you, you are limiting who you "ARE".
Why is it so much easier for you to see a woman born of fear instead of a woman born of love and light?
You tell yourself you have to be strong but that means you have a fear that you may be weak. You convince yourself that you need to be more but that means you have a fear that you are not enough. When will you believe that you ARE everything you were born to be? When will you stop allowing past memories, experiences and beliefs to limit who you truly are?
When will you look in the mirror and see only a Spiritual Being having a human experience as a woman in this lifetime looking back at you with a magnitude of love and light that has the ability to transcend any fear based belief that would try to convince you that you could possibly be less than who you truly are?
You came here with gifts and talents that are unique to you; the world is waiting for you to believe in who you are so everyone in it can benefit from your gifts and talents. Why do you deny your greatness? Who told you that you must limit how you share yourself with the world? Who told you that you must censor your greatness? To withhold your gifts and talents from the world is an act of great selfishness that is limiting you from going out into the world and being of great service to others.
Enjoy your pictures, enjoy your memories, but above all, never give them power over you. Never allow how you see your "past self" as a reason to limit who you came here to be.
Life Is All About Choices - choose to release your fear based beliefs and you will see only the gift that is "YOU" smiling back at you from your mirror; she's telling you that you are amazing, you are loved and you are limitless!
The only question that remains is this, "where will you go from here?"
Nancy Mueller ~ Life Sensei at www.MasteringYourBeliefs.com
Every morning as you lie in bed transitioning from sleep to wakefulness, you have the ability to choose your thoughts for the day. Whatever thoughts you choose, will determine how you'll spend your day.
Given the choice, most people would tell you they prefer to choose thoughts that will bring them feelings of gratitude, happiness, joy, creativity, wealth, mindfulness, love, fun, being healthy and a sense of belonging.
Most people would tell you they would never consciously choose a thought that will bring them shame, excuses, anger, doubt, guilt, judgment, or fear.
If we're able to choose the thoughts we think, why are so many people unhappy when they start their day? Why do they dread going to work? Why do they wake up only to wish they could fall back to sleep and sleep the day away? The answer is simple; it's about the thoughts you think as you're falling asleep!
What if you went to sleep the night before with something that was weighing you down in mind, body or spirit? Perhaps you were listening to a newscaster spreading fear based information or reading something that was unsettling to you. Perhaps you laid in bed doubting your gifts, talents and abilities or judging yourself based on how you perceive who you are or what you're capable of. The subconscious mind is working 24/7, whether you're awake or asleep and has the ability to absorb unsettling information while you sleep.
Now imagine you wake up, it's a brand new day with new opportunities but the thoughts you choose are based on the information your subconscious mind has been working on while you slept. When you wake up, the thoughts that were running through your mind all night will determine how you feel when you wake up (you'll either feel positive and looking forward to your day or you'll wake with feelings of dread and look for reasons to avoid your day), and every single one of your thoughts is associated with a feeling; either positive or negative.
Make no mistake, your feelings are running your life.
If you're allowing negative thoughts, feelings and emotions to create your beliefs, how can you possibly believe you deserve to choose opportunities that will bring you feelings of gratitude, happiness, joy, creativity, wealth, mindfulness, love, fun, being healthy and a sense of belonging?
How you face your day is a choice; you simply need to understand how your mind formulates the beliefs that determine what your choices will be! What price have you been paying for your negative thoughts? Have you found yourself locked behind thoughts of shame, excuses, anger, doubt, guilt, judgment, or fear without a clear understanding of how to get out?
Pay close attention to your self-talk (that little voice inside your head that starts talking to you during moments of doubt or uncertainty) because your self-talk can whisk you away to thoughts of negativity faster than a virus spreading through your computer!
Every person has the key to unlock the thoughts of uncertainty within their mind. When you master your beliefs, you're discovering the beliefs behind your current mindset (perceived problem), the feelings and emotions attached to that belief(s) and how you can transmute your current belief(s) to raise your vibrational energy, giving you the power to make choices from a mindset of "what is possible" rather than a mindset based on past experiences (yours or others).
Whatever thoughts you may be facing in your life, you alone hold the power to choose which thoughts you will feed, and which thoughts deserve to be eliminated; this gives you the power over how you'll spend your day! The choice is yours ~ when you want to experience feelings of gratitude, happiness, joy, creativity, wealth, mindfulness, love, fun, being healthy and a sense of belonging more than you believe you deserve to experience shame, excuses, anger, doubt, guilt, judgment, or fear; I invite you to be more mindful of your self-talk and the thoughts it's planting in your mind!
Nancy Mueller ~ Empowerment Sensei